Tuesday evening. Stormy weather. I’ve been trapped inside my gigantic luxury loft apartment for the entire afternoon, forced into writing stories. Oh no! How terrible!

So I wrote 22 pages, which is… not terrible. Good work, team. Good work. I’ve written basically nothing since 2019 and now, all of a sudden, bam! Here it is.

What is it? It’s the story from the pamphlet spilled out and continuing into a larger notebook. That’s a good sign. It’s not structured, but it’s definitely ranking at least a 7 on the spicy scale. All right! This is what happens when you meet crazy strangers in bars you will never see ever again and then just make a bunch of shit up after that. Premium story content!

Who is this guy? I don’t know, but he’s definitely hot. I can work with this character. I can mold this clay into a leading man in a Netflix romcom set in Dubai. I know how to do that now thanks to these notes in front of me and the rapidly increasing pile of pages this story is gaining by the hour.

I sat down and wrote it and it was like, “Phew, this is hot!” Then I finished, got up and walked around the building, came back, read the story, and basically just clutched my own pearls.

Omg. Gurl. Who is this man? What is this story? Gurl. Gurl! This is spiiiicyyyyy. Too spicy. We definitely can’t put that scene on television. Oh, and no, we can’t say that. Or that. Or that. Maybe we can get away with that, but only if they say it in Arabic, lol. That one we gotta cross straight out with a giant X. No way, Jose. That’s not airing on Netflix anywhere in the world in any language whatsoever.

*fans self with pamphlet* Phew. Somebody bring me my smelling salts, ya’ll. This is too much for me.

Hahaha, it’s funny. I’m smiling again while I write. It’s been so long since I’ve written anything! Such joy it brings. It’s my only raison d’être. Hopefully this time I can turn it into a book or something that makes money.

Income. Generate income, please. I need to afford this fancy apartment so I never have to clean my own toilet ever again, lol.

Off to have a smoke now that it’s stopped raining. I just wanted to update you all on my story progress, because there is some story progress happening for the first time since 2019! Yay!

I love you, Thailand! Thanks for being my inspiration for whatever this delightful little beachside rag even is. Number One Bestseller on Airport Endcaps across the world. Read this book on vacation and melt into your chair. You’ll be feeling the heat from more than just the sun with this erotic thriller set in Dubai.

Wait a minute, that reminds me. This story needs a plot! That’s why I had to take a whole Romance Writing course and take notes on it. Remember, it can’t just be all the spicy scenes. They have to like, talk to each other and go on a journey too. Reign in back in there, Betsey. Don’t get too caught up in the fun stuff.

They actually recommend a set limit of sex scenes per book so as not to veer too far off-course from whatever the main point is. That’s why I need an outline. That’s why I need pages that are just character development. That’s why I need to be a plotter, not just let this story run by the waistline of its pants.

Rein it in, rein it in, rein it in. I am clearly very thirsty and that is why this lush tropical paradise has welcomed me in and given me refuge from the desert. The only problem is that I’m imagining all of it. It’s just an illusion caused by my thirst. It’s been too long since I’ve gotten laid. It’s affecting my ability to construct a proper narrative.

Haha, and then after that, I get to write the Bollywood story. Lord help me. These Indian men can’t stay away from me. And I can’t stay away from them. It’s a problem! That must be why I decided to take refuge in the Middle East. Again, the only problem is that now I’m hallucinating a completely new male character as a result of all of this simultaneous over-and-under stimulation.

Meanwhile I’m just sitting here right in the middle the two in the Lotus position like “Whatever!”

This is why my parents tried to keep me locked away from the world for so long. Now that I’m out here wandering open and free, it turns out I am so much more than just a lioness. I am a tiger, ready to roar. Meow. Let me out of this cage and give me the inspiration I need to write this book.

Okay, off now. Will update again on progress again later.