Today has definitely been a shitshow, so far.

Didn’t get much sleep again last night, but I did a lot of writing and yoga Nidra. I got up early, got ready, and had everything ready to go. That was when I discovered I somehow lost my Octopus card that I just reloaded with $500 HKD somewhere between the 7-11 and my apartment. Ridiculous. Had to stop and buy another one, then my train encountered delays, then I missed my stop, then I had to go back, and yeah, my workplace definitely hates me now.

If only I could say I’m surprised. This is just business as usual for me, it seems. And here I thought things would be different. Lol. Joke’s on me! As per usual.

It’s fine. Somehow I resisted the urge to run away screaming into the mountains and showed up to work anyway. They threw me straight into class. I just did what I always do, which is wing it. No problem. They’re all three years old anyway. Somehow managed to get through it without further incident, though I discovered I have absolutely zero ability to discipline children. Hmm, gee, I wonder where I picked that up from? My own parents, perhaps?

Hmm.

Anyway, it is what it is. If this job doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. Something better will come along. As they say in India, it is written. I’m not going to stress out about it anymore. I accept whatever outcome is headed my way.

I know I struggle with anxiety and executive dysfunction. I know I struggle to keep on the mask. I know I’m neurodivergent AF. What do you want me to do about it? All I can do right now is call the numbers that were given to me and see what kind of help I can get. I’m not going to pretend to be perfect. I can’t hide who I am. I don’t want to.

Anyway, luckily I’m sitting here in the lounge alone. Not in the mood to deal with the Bubble People, as I have just now decided to call them. They ditched me to go be in their Bubble. Good for them. You stay in that Bubble, gurl. Keep that mind closed like a rusty old overgrown trap that was forgotten long ago in the woods. Now that I see you for what you are, I know where not to step.

Meanwhile, I am going to have a cigarette and a snack and take a walk. Let’s see if I don’t fuck up the rest of the day. And if I do, well… I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

Namaste!