Morning after. Finally got about 8 straight hours of sleep. I went out to meet a new HK friend who is not from work last night to ask for advice about my situation. It came down to… you have the HKID, so you can stay.

I met this person on the plane ride over from India. Of course they are Indian. Of course. So being around the chill vibes was good for me. We ordered shisha and veggie pizza.

We were not sure about each other’s intentions at first. He said he’s used to women trying to use him for money, I said I’m used to men trying to use me for sex.

Well, good news! Neither of us wanted to use the other for those things, so we could do business together. And by that I mean, I felt I could trust him for advice about my current situation in HK, which he gave to me as a person who has been coming and going for awhile.

After this meeting, I decided to check out the American Club. It was already closed for the night, but I figured out where it is and that’s important. Now I know. I can go there and network.

Finally went home to face my roommate. She asked me wtf was going on and I basically melted down again in front of her. She was like, “Betsey, you NEED to sleep. Everyone could see it today. You NEED to go to sleep.” She gave me a hug, made me some tea, and let me cry for a million years. Then she encouraged me to try again and show up at work today.

Finally slept for eight straight hours after that. She came and woke me up this morning and told me to go back to work. She says, “Just show up. Just go and show up and you’ll find the words to explain what happened.”

So I guess that’s what I’m going to do. I mean, it’s not like it’s their problem. It’s definitely me having a meltdown as a result of severe sleep deprivation, in addition to all the other things. So I guess I will get ready and head over now and hope for the best.

I guess I’ll let you know if I actually get fired and end up homeless, or not.

Have a good day!

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UPDATE: I did not get fired, but I did get a stern lecture. As expected, they are not receptive to mental health issues at all. They basically treated me like I blew them off and made up some bullshit excuse for it. I didn’t appreciate that, but I also didn’t expect them to understand at all.

I did appreciate the fact that they told me they can’t just call someone up and replace me on a whim. I feel slightly less disposable now, which is good. They need me here and my presence is important to them, if only because there are no other options available at the moment.

I explained that I understand the mistake I made and that I will communicate better in the future. I asked for a second chance. They said they need to talk to someone else about it. I also said that I will make sure I’m sleeping at night because the effects of severe sleep deprivation are real. That’s why it’s considered a method of torture. It drives people insane, literally.

Anyway, here’s to hoping we can make more progress when it comes to perceptions of mental health in the world. It’s not laziness, it’s not an excuse, it’s not imaginary, made-up bullshit in our heads. It’s real and the effects on people’s lives are real.