Tuesday night, or should I say Wednesday morning.
Am I fucked up right now? Yes. Did I complete my investigation into Irish Guy successfully? Also yes.
So, loyal readers of this blow are already aware I attract a certain type of men, if I say whatever I have to say. So you already know how this story ends, and the way that story ends is…
Drum roll please!
He’s married with a kid!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh, the best part though was when I told his friends about what happened, made them read this blog aloud in the bar, and they were like, “You’re delusional. This never happened. We never had this conversation. I am not your source.”
Haha, oh, but it did. It’s not a delusion. This shit is real and I am over it.
Girl, come and get your fucking raggedy ass man! He’s out here running around on you like the stray dog he is!
And what’s funny is that his wife can come over here and read this blog anytime she wants during her maternity leave and look at her drunkass husband like, “Oh, so this is why you smelled so different that night you came home from the bar?”
Yeah.
Yeah it is.
It is what it fucking is.
is.
So for me, I’m just like… see… I got the bad news about the British Guy being a total fookin’ wanker, turned around, found the bigger, badder, hotter version, and it turns out that means he’s also an even bigger fookin’ wanker.
And that’s why I don’t date white guys anymore.
The end.
Meanwhile, Andrew is just sitting here like… “Wow, I was your Muse for ten years and the second I leave, you’re a disaster. You’ve already churned through six potential Muses this month. What are you even doing?”
I don’t even fucking know. I can’t live my life like this anymore. I need to go back to school and get a Masters degree or something. If only I could find a decent, single, childfree man with enough money to pay my tuition fees and provide room and board.
Alas.
What a completely ridiculous situation. This is just absurd.
Shoutout to Irish Guy’s wife. Hey girl, come and pick up your husband from my apartment! He’s definitely out here spending someone’s money. Fuck around and find out who’s!
Ugh.
So that definitely fucking happened…
I told you this man was going to cause me a major problem. It hasn’t even been a full 24 hours and he’s already given me a massive headache. Can’t wait to down this whole bottle of Tylenol for whatever migraine is coming next.
Anyway, yeah, so all of that just happened.
It’s over. It’s cancelled. We are done.
Going back to bed now. I literally cannot even right now with this bullshit.