Later that day…

Returned to class for Aerial Restorative Yoga. That was the vibe I needed today. 100%. I’m already full of fire and intense energy. We need to bring it down.

I didn’t appreciate the teacher though. She was like, “You just have to push through your emotions.” And I was like, “I can’t do that. Stop telling me to do that. I can’t push past my emotions. I can’t just turn them off at my convenience. I literally do not have the ability to do that. If I had the ability to do that, I would be able to do that. Stop telling me it’s a ChOiCe. Stop telling me to just get over it and push through. I can’t do that. Just stop.”

And she goes, “But you have to. You’re a yoga teacher.”

Well, maybe I’m not a fucking yoga teacher. Fuck being a yoga teacher. I’ve been a yoga teacher for the last year. You can’t make an actual living as a yoga teacher. There’s no money in it unless you start a cult or run some kind of grift convincing miserable western white people that giving you more money will cure their loneliness and unhappiness. Or I could just go work for free for the rich people running the grift and spend my life eating shit food and sharing dirty rooms and living out of a fucking suitcase. Wow, so many options. Can’t wait to be exploited even further so I can post cool pictures of myself in exotic places to fucking Instagram.

“Look at me! Look at me! I live in a little bubble and actively ignore all the exploitation and poverty around me so I can say I’ve been to every country on the map. What I can do about it anyway? If poor people don’t want to be poor, then they should just work harder, like me, a spoiled, privileged, western white person who actively benefits from oppressing others! I’m so healthy and enlightened! Brb going to go appropriate some indigenous medicine now so I can feel superior to everyone around me!”

I’m setting a fucking boundary around this right now. You need to shut the fuck up, stop arguing with me, and just respect the fucking dragon. Okay?

I’m over it.

I need to do yoga when I need to do yoga. If I wake up from an intense nightmare, the last thing I want to do is jUsT gEt OvEr It. No. There is no “just getting over it.” Not for me. I’ve done all the shit. I’ve tried to fix myself. I’ve tried to change. I can’t do it. I can’t turn off my emotions whenever it’s convenient for YOU.

Here’s my question: Why don’t you just get the fuck over it?

Ugh.

You know what I’m over? All of this. It’s not the answer. It’s just more exploitation and bullshit. Fuck it.

Screw psychiatry. Screw witchcraft. Screw yoga. I just want to go eat pizza with spicy BBQ chicken and real fucking cheese and a fuckton of gluten and drink wine and watch Netflix and smoke weed so I stop having these insane nightmares. Okay? I would also like a shower with proper temperature control and to do my own laundry in a proper washer/dryer and go for an actual walk somewhere with a real fucking sidewalk. That’s what makes me feel better after a shitty fucking day.

Okay? Okay.

Over it.

Done.

Yeah, fuck the cacao ceremony. It’s just more grifter bullshit. I’m tired of giving other people money who promise to solve all my problems for me. Just let me lay by the pool in the sun all day and listen to reggae and let me eat some decidedly NOT vegan pizza afterwards.

The end.