Thursday night. Feeling about a thousand times better than I did this morning. Turns out you can’t just fire people with no warning and leave them on the streets with nothing, so that’s great news for me!

Yeah, they actually have a whole system of accountability that they are 100% transparent about, which is so refreshing after a decade and a half of dealing with passive-aggressive assholes who talk about me behind my back instead of confronting me about whatever their problem is, then making up random reasons to get rid of me that make zero sense whatsoever.

Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am that I finally left South Dakota? Because I’m going to do that at least five more times in this post, lol.

Anyway, I can work within the structure that has been given to me. I like this system of accountability. It works for me. This is exactly what I need to motivate myself to not be a piece of shit. Also, I liked my boss. I felt like he was someone I could respect as a professional. That’s important to me, especially considering my history with bad bosses.

Did I fuck up? Oh yeah, 100%. Am I being severely punished for it? Of course! But now I’ve learned… maybe I actually do need to take some medication for my anxiety. I just can’t handle these crazy thought spirals and ongoing panic attacks. Also, living in South Dakota and constantly being treated like disposable garbage definitely had significant, lasting impacts on my mental health. So even though we all know how resistant I am to taking medication due to my extremely negative past experiences, I have finally decided to seek help for my issues. I was trying to convince myself for a long time that yoga and all the goop crap was enough, but it’s not.

I took the major step of reaching out to retrieve the names of some people working in the mental health field here, so I have a starting point. I’m definitely making this a priority. Just the fact that I can get that help here is huge plus for me because I absolutely could not get it in South Dakota. Period.

Yet another reason I’m glad I left behind that miserable little shithole. It sucked so hard. It really did.

Just had to had a little laugh though. They said there was no evidence to corroborate my story about yesterday and I just wanted to drop my manuscript right down on the table like, “You mean evidence like this book where I’ve been openly and honestly writing about my mental health struggles for everyone and anyone on the internet to see since I was literally a child?”

lol, someday I’ll get this book out into the world. There are so many people who need to read it. I know my story can help others, but first I need to help myself. So yes, I am doing the big girl thing and getting the help I need.

Everybody clap for Betsey! Yayyyy!

Anyway, work went much better today after I slept for a full eight hours. Wow, it was like night and day. I was awake, aware, and on top of my stuff. Everything stopped looking like incomprehensible mush and finally started making sense. I got all my admin done, took great notes, and got more practice teaching. It’s great that I could come back so strong after yesterday, which was just such a low moment for me. Truly, I haven’t felt that low in a long time, even right before I went to India, and that’s the lowest I had been in a long time.

Thank god for my roommate. She is so awesome. She really supported me when I needed it. I’m always going to grateful to her for what she did last night. I don’t think she even knows what a massive difference her presence has made to me in a single week.

Anyway, I’m sure the first month will be bumpy, but I’m pretty confident I can get through it now. Yesterday

Of course I’m wide awake right now, lol. Ugh. It’s okay. I’m definitely hooked on the viral reel footage of Zohrank Mamdani. Omg, gurl, me and these Indian men. Lord help me. I can’t get enough of the spice! I am sooooooo obsessed with him already and I’ve known about him for maybe two days? I gotta unblock my ex again and start sending him these reels. Like, “Here’s your competition. Show me you’re a real man. Also, WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR LEAVING ME ALONE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY, BLOCKING ME ON EVERYTHING, AND REFUSING TO COMMUNICATE OR TAKE ANY ACCOUNTABILITY WHATSOEVER?! Grow the fuck up!!!! Ughhhhhhh!”

So annoying.

Enough said.

Also I told him he has to win me back Bollywood style. I’ve seen the movies. I know the standard. Don’t think I can’t understand what you’re saying when you’re talking to the Pakistani cab driver. Don’t think you can slack off just because I’m a white American woman. I need a whole musical number including a horse and an elephant, okay? That’s what I deserve. And if you can’t give it to me, I’m going to the Leela Palace and treating myself like a Queen. Why? Because I know that’s what I deserve.

Z snap all up in your face, biatch!

Hmm, otherwise, things are generally good. I think I’m adjusting to the big city life well, ongoing mental health struggles aside. I love Hong Kong! I can’t wait to explore the city next week when I have the week off. I love just sitting outside on my stoop and watching people go by. I love waking up at dawn and hearing the city slowly come to life. I love to go down random little alleyways and discover whatever treasures may be.

For example, tonight I stumbled upon the perfect little Parisian cafe in an alleyway about two blocks from my apartment. I mean, it was an exact replica of a classic Parisian patio. The chairs, the tables, the wrought-iron fence, the street lamps, the hanging plants. Omg. I NEED to go there to write. It’s perfect. Just perfect.

I’m slowly but surely getting to know some of the people I see every day. I always say hello, how are you, please, thank you, goodbye, have a nice day and give whoever I’m speaking to a big smile. It goes a long way!

For example, the morning crew at my 7-11 totally know me now. The barista lady makes amazing coffee. I love her. She’s so sweet. I’ve also befriended the doormen in my building. I always stop to chat with them. They love to practice speaking English with me! Today one of them asked if I speak Chinese, and I said “Not yet!” He smiled at me said, “Do you want to learn?” Of course! So he taught me a few Cantonese phrases, which I need to actually write down so I can remember. Where can I buy a set of flash cards for Cantonese? Where can I take a calligraphy class to learn the characters? I want to learn it all!

I just felt so happy when I realized I was establishing these relationships simply by being kind, polite, and showing respect for the culture. This is exactly why I came to Hong Kong! I am here for the cultural exchange! Like, no, I’m not going to eat pork or seafood, but that’s hardly a barrier to enjoying the local food culture. Just today I walked around the corner from work and found a delightful little cafe that made the best hot and spicy chicken soup. You know I slurped it straight down. So delicious!

I am all about the slurping. Slurp game strong. My co-worker said it was disgusting. I just smirked at her because she clearly has no idea how disrespectful she is being to the local culture when she says crap like that. Sometimes my co-workers say things that I find to be… how do I say this politely? Uh, I can’t because honestly, most of the time it’s just… racist and inappropriate. They clearly have no idea how they are coming off, which is alarming considering the fact that they are teachers. Then they tell me that I need to get out of my bubble. Gurl, I’ve been out of my bubble. I think it’s time for you to stop projecting that shit onto me because I’m American and venture out into the big, wide world yourself.

Also, I can’t help but notice that the other teacher, who is Cantonese-American, always leaves the room when they are there. He refuses to spend any time around them. And what do they do in response? Talk shit about him behind his back, of course. Of course!

I think that says a lot. Personally, I trust his judgment on the situation. Now I’ve learned to go slurp my soup in private so they don’t bother me about it. They don’t seem very open-minded in general, so it’s weird that they keep telling me to get out of my bubble. Hey Gurl, are you an IMAX screen? Because you are the biggest, most powerful projector ever.

It doesn’t help their case that I act so weird when I talk about yoga and meditation. I don’t get it. They also acted like I was the weird one for saying I follow Kosher/Halal for eating meat and prefer vegetarian when I can due to environmental destruction and animal cruelty issues. And that I was weird for mentioning that my spirituality gives me peace.

Again, that really says a lot. Then, again, they tell me I need to get out of my “bubble.” I am not living in a bubble, but they definitely are. Without even trying, I have already figured out they hate Hongkongers, Chinese people, Indian people, Pakistani people, Jewish people, Muslim people, Hindu people, Buddhist people, Environmental and Animals Rights Activists, Vegetarians/Vegans, Neurodivergent people, LGBTQIA+ people, and, of course, Americans.

Tell me, is there anyone or anything in this world you do like? God help us if I ever dare to mention Black people!!! I can only imagine the reaction I’ll get…

I also hate the way they talk about their students, both behind their backs and in front of them. They act like these kids are stupid and can’t understand anything they’re saying, when in reality, the looks in these kids eyes when they make their comments tells me they know exactly what’s being said.

They also committed the most grave offense in my mind, which was reading their students’ writing exercises out loud and making fun of their grammar and sentence structure. I didn’t say anything to them, but I was literally thinking to myself, “What the fuck are you even doing at this job if all you’re going to do is make fun of children for learning another language?” It was deeply offensive to me as a writer. It was just the cherry on top of all their other weirdness.

Needless to say, I will not be pursuing any friendships with them outside of class. We clearly do not share the same values. They live in a bubble, I do not. It is what it is.

I think my favourite was when one of them tried to lecture me about doing yoga outside on a hot, sunny day at high noon. Apparently it’s bad for me??? LOL WUT?! Gurl, no. Just no. I did my Yoga Teacher Training in India. No aircon. No luxuries. Just bucket showers and hard beds and the sounds of the rain pounding on the metal rooftops at night. We did yoga outside in the humidity of the jungle every day. We are one with nature. This is just normal yoga, lol. Like, you literally don’t even know what you’re even talking about right now. Literally. You clearly have no idea what yoga really is. I know more than you. Stop. Just stop. Please, just stop.

Anyway, they were definitely glaring at me by the end of the day. Whatever. Stop telling me to get out of my bubble and get out of yours. Try actually going to an Indian restaurant instead of making weirdly racist comments about the amount of Indians and Pakistanis in Hong Kong. They’ve been here for hundreds of years already because of the British Empire. Do you even know what that is? Do you even know where you are? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

So yeah, that situation definitely makes me feel uncomfortable at work. I just don’t like casual racism played off as a joke. The world is already such a terrible place. Why are you being a dick for no reason? It’s not that hard to be a nice person. You show respect and that respect will be returned. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp.

Anyway, watching that little reality show definitely made me grateful to be an American. It reaffirmed my purpose in life as a goodwill ambassador for peace and justice in the world. I can set a positive example for people in this world on how to treat others with kindness and respect.

Other weird advice I have received from them: Don’t talk to people. Don’t smile at people. Don’t try to be nice because no one cares. Oh, and my favourite: get a Facebook account to connect with others. Lol, no. I do not use Facebook. I hate Facebook. If I want to stare at a screen and pretend I’m connecting to other people, I’ll just get on reddit. I didn’t come here to doomscroll and pretend I’m making connections when I’m not.

I’m already ahead of them on that as well. I’ve decided to join Women of Hong Kong, attend events hosted by the Alliance Française, and frequent the American Club. I’m also scoping out yoga studios. I want to meet real people and make real connections. I’m here to be professional and network. Maybe I will even find someone who will finally take the time to sit down with me and help me get my manuscript in order. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers.

Hmm, anything else to say before I climb up into my loft and doomscroll before I attempt to sleep for the night? No, I think I got it all down. For now.

Off now.

I feel good about the future, somehow. I still believe in my heart everything will work out and be okay. I know my dad is here watching over me, making sure I stay on track. I see his spirit in the city everywhere I go. He’s always with me. I know it’s going to be okay just because of that. Everything is going to be okay.

Namaste, fam!

Let’s hope tomorrow goes as well as today did.