Tuesday. Last day in Bangkok for awhile. I don’t know when the next time I will come back is. Could be sooner, could be later. I guess we’ll see what fate has in store for us.

Feeling a bit uncertain about Hong Kong, but it’s okay. I have planned a new strategy for how to approach it this time. It will not be like the first time, when everything was controlled by that ridiculous company. It will not be like the second time, when I was locking myself out and getting lost one block from my apartment. This time… I’m on a mission. Will I succeed? I do not know. All I know is that I have an obligation to at least try.

I definitely need to overcome the Imposter Syndrome issue. Yes, actually, I do belong in Hong Kong. They gave me a second chance for a reason. I need to believe in that reason. I am just as good as anyone else here. Yeah, the Hong Kong Club is tough. It’s like being at an Ivy League. You’re in the room with the best of the best. It can be intimidating AF. I just have to remember… the universe brought me here for a reason. I belong here. Trust in the reason. Believe in the reason.

One aspect of my strategy is pretty basic: getting out of my apartment to attend events! There’s tons of stuff going on in the cultural scene. Festivals, film screenings, art exhibitions, trivia nights, panels, seminars, all that stuff. I went on Instagram and Google and made a list of 10 events to attend in March and April. One of them is a film screening of a documentary about the history of Ireland, which is exciting.

So yeah, just go, get out there, try to meet some people, make some connections, hope it leads to some kind of job opportunity. Sitting in a bar alone is so lame and so boring and I’m so over it. It’s just not who I want to be anymore. It never was.

I think of this opportunity like… the university experience I never got to have. I’m away from my family for the first time ever. I’m out here exploring the world on my own.

The story follows a very natural progression: My first opportunity didn’t work out, so I spent the summer making friends, traveling, partying, having fun, going on my little hook up spree, and generally getting that first taste of freedom.

My first semester was full of ups and downs. Winter break was like… okay, let’s take a moment and re-evaluate if this is really what you want to do. Now the second semester is starting and it’s like… okay, it’s time to get serious, focus, and build the future ahead. What do you really want out of this experience and how are you going to get it?

I remember when I was actually in University. This is all I wanted to do. Just travel and live abroad and meet people from all over the world. This is all I have ever wanted to do with my life. Now I am out here doing it and I am still acting like I am totally clueless and without purpose or passion. This is it. Be here now. I am out here doing the thing I’ve always wanted to do. There is nothing and no one here to stop me now. No one can tell me who to be or what I can and cannot do.

I am Free.

I saw on Instagram the other day that an influencer from Paris I’ve been following for a long time is back in Bangkok. She made a video talking about how all the self-work she did the last time she was here is what helped her elevate her career. It was very motivating. I know for a fact (especially after living abroad for 9 months) that influencers are mostly full of shit, but I could relate to what she was saying. It gave me hope that yes, someday I, too, can follow in her path. I can get the Masters degree and the cushy job and the book deal and all of that.

I think I still really struggle with knowing that my family does not support any of this. They don’t want this for me, for whatever reason. They just want me to stay at home and be miserable and unfulfilled like they are. It hurts to know that they don’t see any potential or growth or anything positive. It’s always just nastiness and negativity coming from them.

Anyway, I am off now. Lots to take care of today. I had an early flight tomorrow so I need to make sure I am packed by tonight and up before dawn tomorrow.

Back to Hong Kong I go. Wish me luck, fam…

Wish me luck…