Wednesday morning. End of July. I’ve officially been in Thailand for a whole month. What have I done with my time? That’s right, nothing productive, lol.

We must change that, ASAP.

Well, something interesting did happen to me last night. I was on the rooftop alone having a smoke, which Ze German took as an invitation to sit and chat with me. Every time I have to talk to him, I think to myself, “We are not friends. We are never going to be friends. You want to harm my people. It’s not cool.”

I just wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I didn’t. I was nice and polite and accommodating instead, again. God I hate that about myself. I just want to be a “crazy bitch” and tell him off. But I don’t. Instead I just let him sit there and talk at me and go on his dumb rants about how he should be allowed to post memes about how’s “there’s only two genders” on X because of freedom of speech, or something.

Ugh.

It’s literally like talking to a reddit bot come to life.

So once again I’m sitting there, letting this guy just take a massive word dump all over the floor in front of me, and I’m just thinking to myself, “Yeah, it’s definitely time to move. Hashtag, motivation! Maybe I’m thinking about this situation wrong. This person did not enter my life because they are a direct threat to me. They entered my life to remind me to stop being lazy, pack up my shit, and move into a brand new apartment to start a brand new life. Optimism!”

Then the situation became funny, because we were joined by an Australian and an Indian. I did something dumb, which is tell the Aussie that I’m a writer. I gave him my website and he pulled up my first post, which was talking shit about the person sitting across the table from us, right as he was in the middle of one of the rants I was calling him out for on this blog.

LOL! You’d think I’d learn by now, but I don’t. I realized what I had done and quickly grabbed the phone to redirect him to a completely different, random post about Hong Kong. Luckily for me, he’s more of the Finance Bro type. You know, not so much of a big reader. He saw the amount of paragraphs, realized he was not looking at an easily digestible 10-second video, and straight up said, “I’m not reading this.”

I was like, “Great! You don’t have to! Just put the phone away right now and don’t mention it again in front of the crazy German guy who is currently on another crazy X-style rant.”

Hahaha, the tension! So thick you could cut it with a knife! Hilarious.

Well, just in case Ze German does see this, please just know that I don’t care for you or your little Alphabet Soup rants. We are not friends. You are not in a safe space when you are with me. I’m writing down every thing you say. It is what it is.

After the evening conversation, and by conversation I mean Monologue, ended, the four of us got into the elevator to return to our apartments. Ze German left first, leaving the three of us in the elevator. The vibe immediately changed from “happy hour social” to dark, sad, and all of us staring at the floor uncomfortably like no one really knew what to say. Like we all knew that guy sounded insane, but no one wanted to be the person who actually said it out of fear of retribution.

Well, no worries, fam. I’m the resident American, so I’m perfectly content to tell this guy to fuck himself while hiding behind the safety of a screen and a keyboard. If the Aussie does read this and decide to rat me out to Ze German and he confronts me about what I said, I’ll just repeat exactly what I said here right to his face. New York City Style. “Go fuck ya self.”

Gotta love geopolitical dramas being played out through millennials and gen-Z’ers smoking together on a rooftop in Thailand. I’m so here for it. It’s fun! Much more interesting and entertaining than Ye Olde Wild West Show in 1880 Town, I think.

So that happened. Definitely need to find a new place to live today. Also let the yoga shala know I’m not coming because my ex went crazy on me and made me feel unsafe coming to India. It’s not the difficulties of traveling within India as a woman itself, it’s this one specific dude. All it takes to ruin a woman’s life forever is one angry man, so, yeah, probably better just to avoid that situation altogether and hope I can return to India on another occasion when this specific guy isn’t having a full-blown psychological breakdown, which I fully support him getting the help he needs for.

Just saying.

Anyway, all of this is dumb. I am going to the coffee stand now.

—-

Here I am. The cops are back directing street traffic again today. Every day there is a different story on this corner. It’s fun to watch it all unfold live.

There’s another expat dude sitting here watching traffic go by, just like me. It’s a vibe! Looks like she put extra chocolate in my mocha today. I definitely need/appreciate it after the weekend I had.

That is all behind us now. We must focus on finding a job and an apartment. No more fucking around.

The apartment hunt is going better now that I found a better resource. The big debate is location. I can pay less and move to a different neighborhood, which would mean losing my beloved coffee stand, or pay more to stay in this neighborhood, which kind of feels like a comfortable bubble to me.

Good thing binge-watching House Hunters International during the pandemic prepared me for this moment. Anyway, it’s just a temp place while I’m job hunting. I can find a better long-term stay deal later.

Definitely ready to get out of the haunted tower, that’s for certain. What am I doing with my life? I don’t know.

I heard a good joke last night. It goes: “Digital nomad is just a word for being unemployed in other countries.” Haha, very funny! Very motivating, unlike the general vibe of my current apartment. I guess the cushy loft vibe doesn’t really do it for me. Maybe something a little more Thai style to inspire my creative flow?

Finally finished Too Much last night. I definitely need a re-watch and a script study. I want to write this, but not this. This tone and style, yes. But a completely different side of Millennial Life. Perhaps more crazy digital nomad White Lotus adventures? I think so.

Hmm… I think I found an apartment I like. It feels like a place I can write and work in. Quiet, peaceful, vibey. In the city but off the beaten path, far from the touristy spots and shopping malls (which I need to be far from otherwise I will spend all of my money on clothes). I need to take a walk to think about it, but I’m leaning towards… yes. The sooner I get the apartment taken care of, the sooner I can move onto job hunting and writing.

Responsible adulting, here I am.

The biggest problem with this apartment is that it has communal coin laundry. I hate that. I am spoiled. I don’t think I can live without my own washing machine. That’s a hard one for me. I don’t know if I can give that up. Sure, the price looks cheaper now… but how much am I paying in laundry costs that will inevitably add up?

See how not easy apartment hunting is? Ugh. It’s like there’s no winning.

Whatever I decide, it must be done today. There is no more time left. It must be done.

By the way, I just want to say that I do, in fact, feel good about my decision not to go to India. It just didn’t feel safe. I think I just wanted a distraction because real life is hard. But I learned that I can’t just run away from all of it. I just need to take the bull by the horns, as they say.

Off now. So much to do, so little time…

——

UPDATE: Secured the apartment. In the end, my bank account won the battle with the washing machine. Alas. Still, I got an insane deal on this cute little Thai-style apartment, or so it seems, so I am happy. One less thing to worry about!

Not loving the laundry situation, but it’s fine. I’ll make it work. I always do. It’s not like I haven’t before. I just prefer the luxury and comfort of having my own washing machine I can access any time of the day. It’s a preference. I’ll work my way back up to it. I need a little grit to inspire me to work instead of lounge around all day.

So relieved that’s taken care of. My bank account thanks me for easing up on it and putting a stop to this haunted tower madness. It’s draining me dry.

Off now. Time to go explore my new neighborhood!