Monday. Last day in Thailand. The coffee stand was closed again today for the holiday, so I wandered down a random side street and found another one. Definitely a disruption of the comfortable routine I’ve become accustomed to over the course of the month.

Not very motivated to move right now. Have I packed? No. Have I booked my hotel in New Delhi? No. Have I made arrangements to get to the yoga shala? No. Have I been reconsidering my plan to go to India because my ex is still messaging me begging me to come back? Yes.

He started up again last night. It was frustrating. He does not know how to take No for an answer. He doesn’t hear No. He doesn’t accept No. He also doesn’t seem to realize that I gave him a choice in Dubai, he made his choice, and now he has to live with the consequences of that choice. The consequence is… I don’t want to be with him anymore. The End.

I am frustrated this is happening. Now I am concerned about going to India. I don’t want him showing up and causing a disruption, which he probably will if he is able. He’s definitely not emotionally stable and that scares me. I’m not afraid of traveling in India, but I am afraid of one individual tracking me through the country and causing problems.

This is why you don’t do dumb things like fake marry a stranger on a beach in Goa. It does not end well. I recognize that this is my karmic payback for some of my terrible behavior when I was younger, but still. It’s not cool. Lessons learned all around.

Well, I can’t stay here. I need to go somewhere. I have a visa, a plane ticket, and I’ve paid a deposit. Am I really going to allow the threat of escalating domestic violence from an emotionally unstable man stop me from pursuing my yoga teacher training course?

Ummm…

Well…

When I write it down that way and re-read it, yeah, that actually sounds pretty bad. Wow, what is even happening right now? Is this real? Great. Just great.

Okay, I’ll take this L. This seems like giant burning statue levels of flaming red flags. I don’t think this is a good idea.

Let’s imagine for a moment I had someone in my life who I could actually talk to, like a mother or a sister or an aunt or even a grandmother. Of course, I have all of those things, but I can’t talk to them about this kind of crap. No way!

So let’s pretend I have a fake Fairy Godmother. What would she say to me about going to India knowing that this man is there waiting for me?

She would probably say… don’t do it, Betsey. This seems like a bad idea.

And you know what? I agree. I agree. I watch way too much Bollywood and the movie I’m imagining in my head is… scary. Amazing production value, of course. Top quality. Five star rating. But otherwise, yeah, definitely in the Horror category, for certain.

Okay, so, I’ve talked myself through that one. Think god I have all of this amazing life experience to draw on in times like this. I need to make a new plan, fast. Preferably one that does not involve spending the next month lying on a beach drinking rum and doing nothing at all.

I am dumb. I make dumb choices. It’s true. I make dumb choices. It is what it is.

Okay, new plan, fast. Time to log off and make one. Wish me luck!