Saturday. Loving life at the yoga shala, but definitely over the vegan diet. I always think I can do it and then I try the food and I’m like… yeah, I can’t do this. Life is too short for me to not enjoy my food. I definitely agree we need to do something about the sustainability and animal cruelty problems in the world, but I just can’t do the fake cheese. Definitely not for me. It is what it is.

I have spent the week meditating on my South Dakota problem. I finally came to a reasonable conclusion today in my morning Yin Yoga class. Here it is:

There are positives I can take away from my experience living there. Those positives are as follows:

1. Mad Dog — Taught me that family is more than blood, took me everywhere with him, told me his stories, shared his life experiences with me, showed me parts of the world I would have never seen otherwise, introduced me to people I never would have met or even taken the time to speak to. I learned so much from him. I miss him all the time.
2. Andrew — Well, this one is complicated, but he’s still my favorite character. He’s been my character for almost 10 years. He’s inspired me a lot. I’ve written thousands of pages about him, multiple books, etc. I am grateful for him, even if he is a total fucking asshole IRL.
3. Bloody Mary’s — It’s not “just another bar.” It’s my inspiration! I had all these crazy experiences that happened there and around it. I met so many crazy characters because of it. I was inspired by it. I love it. Stay mad, haters!
4. Native Americans — Wow, what an experience. How lucky am I to have visited 37 Indian Reservations? I learned so much about the world through the eyes of Indian Country. I learned the art of oral storytelling. I learned so much in general. So many stories to share. So many people in the world just don’t know the facts. I am so grateful to be able to share my experiences with the various people and cultures.
5. Inside knowledge and firsthand accounts of the behavior and thought patterns of the people currently on a mission to destroy out country with their bullshit.

The negative can be reduced down to one simple concept, which I have officially dubbed, “Puppy Killer Culture.” This is the all-encompassing concept of the shittiness of South Dakotan culture. It includes the misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, racism, dislike of outsiders, the judgment, the gossiping, the backstabbing, the constant shittalking of everyone all the time, the crabs-in-a-bucket mentality, and, especially, the part where they are always dragging people down into their dumb, meaningless soap operas and causing drama.

I call it the “Puppy Killer Culture” because they just love to kick people when they’re down. If you’re at your lowest, they will find a way to drag you down even lower. It’s gross. I’ve been subjected to it for way too long. It’s toxic and disgusting and now it’s taking the whole country by storm.

One thing I realized is that the only people who ever seem to complain about me making this observation about the Puppy Killer Culture are the people who perpetuate it. They’re always screaming at me that I’m “making generalizations,” yet they have no ability to self-reflect and see that I am accurately describing their behavior.

When I meet people who have escaped the Puppy Killer Culture and gone out into the world, they generally agree with my observations and sentiments. That’s why they left. They hate it there too. So really, I don’t actually have to acknowledge the Puppy Killers as having a legitimate opinion. They are what they are. They hate people like me and I have absolutely no desire to be around people like them.

They always say I need to get to know people like them better. They’re always insisting they are good people, yet whenever I go around them, it always the same shit. Negativity, trash talking everyone they know, ignorance about the world. You know, Puppy Killing. They just want to be negative and kick people when they’re down. I don’t want to be part of it.

I am allowed to write about my observations and experiences. I don’t have to apologize to these people for calling them out on their disgusting behaviors and attitudes. If they wanted me to write nice things about them, then they should have behaved better.

I’m sorry you don’t like the reflection you see of yourself when I told up the mirror, but that’s not my problem to solve. You can attack me all you want, but that’s the end of the day, all you did was smash the mirror. You didn’t learn anything from this. You’re still a shitty person and that’s not my problem. You need to focus on yourself and figure out your own shit instead of going around murdering every puppy you see because it doesn’t behave the way you think it should behave.

I had the same problem with the South Africans at my job in Hong Kong. They are also very much into the Puppy Killer Culture. It’s sick. I don’t want to be around it. I just want to be around chill, positive people who focus on their own journeys instead of dragging everyone else around them down to their level of misery.

Now I know. Now I understand why I feel the way I do. It’s okay. I don’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate the Puppy Killers. I just don’t. I can use my experiences to call it out. If they get mad about it, well, who cares? They’re on a mission to kill puppies. They’ll kill a puppy for any reason. That’s not my fault. That’s not my problem. I don’t have to put up with their sociopathic, abusive culture anymore. I don’t actually have to “listen” to any of them. They don’t listen to me, so why would I listen to them when all they do is spew hatred and negativity into the world.

I feel so much better now that I’ve finally found the right words to express how I feel. I can move forward now. I can take the positive of my experience and I can learn and grow and share it with the world. I can be a force of light and love and peace. I can be the Writer Extraordinaire!

Feeling much better about the world now. I mean, not really, but you know what I’m saying, I am the rose that grew from concrete. They tried to crush me and stomp me out, but I grew and grew and grew until I took over the sidewalk. Here I am now, out in the world, learning new things and growing even more.

Back to school now. So grateful to be making so much progress on my mental health in spite of the various challenges. Sometimes you really do just need to cut out the toxic energy from the past and move forward in life.

Have a good day!