MONDAY

Here I am waiting for my dinner order. I’m in a much better mood now than when I woke up. At first, I was very angry at my neighbor for acting like such a jerk to me. As the day went on, I decided to just let that shit go. This is what men do. This is how they are. I don’t have the extra energy to waste on them anymore.

Now I am bizarrely indifferent towards him. Relieved that the Obsession Spell has worn off. I really do not like him at all, as it turns out. He’s not a very nice person. I can see why he is where he is in life. It is what it is.

Otherwise, my day yesterday was pretty okay. I wrote then went up to the Secret Society, where I met some new people I had not previously met before. Hung out with some people I know already. It was a good day. I really do have to learn to control the amount I’m drinking though. It’s a problem that will not serve me well in these types of rooms.

That’s probably what deflected me from the incident with my neighbor. I don’t need him to socialize, or for anything, really. So, what did I really lose? Nothing. Thank you for competing in the Six Nations Tournament of Betsey’s Heart and representing Hong Kong. Well done, lads. Carry on!

—-

TUESDAY

Not in the habit of writing lately. I’m pouring all my creative energy back into the manuscript I’ve managed to assemble over the course of the last year. I’ve also been spending a lot of time sitting in meditation. Not doing active, physical yoga. Just meditation. I’ve noticed a huge difference in my overall mood and sense of well-being.

Like right now, for example. Today I woke up and I was not angry anymore. Growth! It’s like… you know what’s better than worrying about some random man? That’s right! NOT worrying about a random man!

I win. I get to live happily ever after. The End!

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming, which is just me trying to figure out how to live my best Emily in Paris Life here in Hong Kong.

I am feeling much better about it since I started hanging out more at the Secret Society. I find they are much more open to what I do up there. They like having a writer in the mix. I’m told it’s refreshing from the usual bank and finance crowd.

Plus, it’s all people who are my age or older, not younger. They have lived here for a long time. They know more than me. I can learn a lot from them. It’s an important room for me to be in, whether I agree with their politics or not. I’ve learned to just not engage with it anymore. No good will come of it.

As I said in a previous post, hanging around the first few people I met here (like my Neighbor and this other guy I met who is in his mid-20’s), was becoming very draining for me. There’s a lot of negativity, a lot of cynicism, and both of these men felt way too comfortable projecting their insecure bullshit directly onto me. I don’t need more of that at this point in my life.

The main thing with my Neighbor is that he reflects my worst self back to me in a way that I find quite unsettling. I think I probably do the same for him, which is why he threw another tantrum and melted down at me.

Sidebar: I’m really starting to believe they’re putting something in those protein shakes that make men go crazy. Just a conspiracy theory I have.

At first, I felt bad about the exchanges I’ve been having with negative people this past year. Then I finally realized… it’s not about me. I’m working really hard on my emotional regulation skills, my general attitude towards the world, and my less-flattering behavioral habits. I’ve made so much progress, especially this year.

Sure, it hasn’t been easy. I think any normal person would come out of an abusive situation like the one I was in feeling unable to function properly. I don’t have to justify my healing journey to anyone, especially people who come from a culture that doesn’t value mental health at all.

Once again, I have come to the conclusion that spending time around men is draining, and spending time around women is ultimately better. I’ve started meeting more women recently who are mid-30’s and older, successful in the careers, single for whatever reason, and just living their lives. It gives me something real to look at and aspire to be. I used to view my older sister this way when I was young, but as I grew up, I realized how truly mean, spoiled, and cruel she actually is. Definitely not someone I aspire to be!

The women in my family are all so fucking mean all the time, especially to me. I couldn’t even tell them I was coming here until after all the arrangements had already been made because I knew they would try to sabotage it. That’s exactly what happened. They literally have no ability to support me or be happy for me. They just mow on in and take over everything and try to control me, which consistently ends with bad results.

Now they’re all shocked Pikachu face that I literally got on a plane and moved to the other side of the planet to escape from them. Yeah, there’s a reason I stopped calling you. It’s because I don’t want to talk to any of you anymore. It’s not that hard to figure out. At some point, I got tired of my mentally ill, alcoholic mother vilifying me to anyone who will listen while actively forcing me into a Cinderella-esque situation. Just crazy.

I don’t miss my family at all. I don’t miss my old life. I have zero desire to ever return to the US. I really gotta start playing that up more in job interviews. Give me a visa. I will stay for 7 years. Maybe even forever! I am ready to become a permanent resident of this small-but-mighty Island nation.

In ten years time, you’ll find me sitting in the Secret Society, giving out guidance to the fresh young expat who naively wandered in looking for a real opportunity to make a significant life change.

Off now. I need to tidy up the apartment and work on my various projects.

Sending peace and love out into the universe today. Have a good one!