Sunday. Sitting out on my rooftop on my yoga mat. It’s not the most comfortable writing position. I suppose I could always use a chair or go get my little lap desk from downstairs. Or I can just put my keyboard on my lap and sit up straight.

Here we are with a coffee and a cigarette. Nothing interesting to report. I was going to go to the Latin Carnival last night, but my friend bailed on me so I just stayed home alone. I don’t know why. I saw a couple of other people I know here dancing there on their stories. I could have just gone and met up with them instead.

I am not great at this socializing thing, as much as I try to be. Also, thesis friend always seems to bail when it’s something I want to do. We always do what they want to do. There should be more balance there. I need to widen my circle so I can have my foodie friends, my party friends, and my adventure friends.

I was also in a weird mood last night. Feeling uncertain about the future right now. It’s weighing heavily on me. I hope I can stay, but it’s out of my hands. It’s up to fate to decide now.

The sun is shining too brightly to be writing on my iPad. I will have to stop and go somewhere else.

—

Eventually made my way over to the health cafe around the corner. It’s about 5pm right now.

I spent most of the afternoon looking at the same graduate degree programs in Paris that I’ve been looking at for the last ten years. I’m trying to be practical about my choice. I’m also trying to imagine myself five years from now. What kind of person do I want to be? What field do I see myself working in? How do I imagine myself beyond where I am right now?

Hard to say. I never imagined myself living in Hong Kong or hanging upside down from an aerial silk in the rainforest of Bali or doing yoga on a beach in India or partying with shady expats in Thailand, but here we are.

Here we are.

I was sort of feeling bad about the fact that I haven’t done it already, but I think it’s better this way. For example, the MFA in Creative Writing. Really glad I didn’t do that. What would I even have written about? Nothing! All the good stuff finally happened this year! With more yet to come…

So that’s off the chopping block, which is a relief. I can write about anything on my own time. I don’t see the need for an MFA. At least not yet. I think I would rather do something with a real career path, whatever that might be.

I’m thinking something on the business side of the creative industries. Maybe something like Arts and Cultural Management. I don’t want to give in to my grandmother’s whole business school thing, but after living in Hong Kong… I kinda get it now. It’s good to have that base of knowledge when dealing with the capitalist hellscape of the modern world we live in.

Plus, we all know my skillset in this arena is extremely limited. Writing, creating, making art — easy. Business? Not so easy. Plus corporate language is, in fact, my biggest weakness. What are these people even saying to each other? No one knows. All we know is that they’re all doing cocaine, which is definitely not for me.

I am now back at my apartment, re-watching Emily in Paris for the 80 millionth time. My last couple re-watches were in English, so this time I’m watching it in French. I try to switch it out.

Amazing how my comprehension of French has vastly improved since living in Asia. It turns out living in places where I was completely illiterate in the local language actually helped boost the skills in the languages I do know. Not sure how that works, but hey, brains are amazing. What can I say?

Anyway, I’m just doing this to remind myself I have something to look forward to in the future if Hong Kong doesn’t work out. The dream of Paris is always alive inside of me!

Something to ease my anxiety in this last month of job hunting hustle. It is what it is. I accept the path the universe has laid out in front of me either way.

Off now. Have a good day.