Monday.

I have not written in a few days. Not much to say today. I am feeling pretty depressed in general. I don’t know if it’s me or the general Hong Kong vibe. It is ranked as one of the least happiest cities on Planet Earth…

Currently sitting on the patio at a Thai restaurant near my house.

They are taking forever to get my order. I’m not actually convinced my server is ever going to return to the table. I hope she does, because I am really, really hungry, and really, really sad, and I would like more for dinner than just a Singha. Sadly, they do not have my beloved Chang…

Otherwise the atmosphere is quite nice. It really does remind me of Bangkok. Living green walls, an abundance of tropical plants, hanging strings of lights, laid-back, chillax vibes. I’m a fan!

I miss Bangkok sometimes, but I don’t miss the overwhelming Loser Energy hanging in the air. It motivates me to be a better version of myself, but it’s also depressing. Hong Kong definitely has a Winner Vibe, which, in turn, makes me feel like a loser 99% of the time. I am just floating here without meaning or purpose. It’s depressing AF.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life! I’m just sending applications into a void, never to be seen or heard from ever again. So much for starting my life over in a brand new city on the other side of the world. I don’t regret trying though! It’s better than staying locked up in South Dakota forever.

Seriously though, I’ve been sitting here for like 15 minutes. Are they ever going to come back and take my order? I’m so confused right now. Maybe the waitress ran off with some old sugar daddy mid-shift. That’s what I would do.

Finally got my order in after giving the bartender multiple “Please Sir, Take Pity on Me” looks. Pad Thai officially on the way. Yes, I know it’s a psy-op. Let’s hope it’s worth the wait.

Good News: My food came about 5 minutes after I ordered it. It was, indeed worth the wait. I was so hungry. Sometimes on nights like this, I feel like I’m trying to feed my soul more than my body. I just feel so empty inside all the time.

I’ve been meditating every day for the last few weeks over it. So far I’ve had a vision of my (deceased) Irish grandmother, a vision of myself doing yoga in the mountains, and a vision of being with my mysterious future husband who better show up soon because I am REALLY tired of The Island of Lost Guys. Not getting much as far as the whole “career/money” issue goes. I am just drawing a big fat blank.

I can’t believe I’ve been in SEA for almost 11 full months now. Wow! Where has the time gone? Jesus. Safe to say Asia has kicked my ass and handed it back to me on a platter. I made so many stupid mistakes this year. Learned a lot of hard lessons. Met some great people and some not-so-great people. Learned a lot of love, romance, and sex. Spent way too much money. Wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

I did talk to my brother earlier today, finally. I haven’t spoken to him in a few weeks. We have been fighting over dumb shit that doesn’t matter, so I decided to be the bigger person and apologize first. I always apologize to him first, even when he is wrong, just so I can stop the conflict. I hate fighting with him. I’m happy I talked to him.

I’ve been feeling so, so, so lonely. I hung out with two different friends yesterday and I still felt hopelessly alone at the end of the night. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just haven’t been feeling right since my date with the Russian. I try to tell myself it wasn’t a mistake and I don’t regret it, but I kind of do. I should have held out for true love instead of romping around in the sheets for one night only with yet another rando. Alas.

Then again, I’m just happy to be rid of the previous “obsession.” It was driving me up the wall. All I did there was trade one stag out for another. It’s all the same in the end. It doesn’t really matter which one I’m obsessed with at the moment. It’s all the same in the end.

I think I will head home to bed now. I am very tired. Lost and tired and sad. It is what it is…