FRIDAY

Currently sitting at a lovely beachside cafe on Lamma Island. I just needed a break from everything today. I had planned a whole day today, but instead I decided to come here. Really gotta gear up for my big job hunt. What better way to start than with a glass of rosé, a little plate of hummus, and a bit of yoga on the beach?

Yeah, why even live in Hong Kong is I’m not going to take advantage of the fact that I can literally go to the beach whenever I want? It is what it is. The only problem is that the ferry was rocking so much that I still feel like I’m on it even though I am definitely not.

Really not a big fan of boats! That being said, I would still go to a yacht party if I was invited. But only if it’s an elite, exclusive event with a guest list and a fabulous dress code, not some drug-fueled rave party on a junk boat full of randos from Facebook. Not for me!

I am definitely feeling slightly on-edge today. I do feel that I have regained my confidence and power, but taking on this job hunt still feels overwhelming.

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SUNDAY

Back in my little shoebox apartment that I have come to love, in spite of my crazy neighbor. I’ve been awake since 6am, so I decided to have a coffee and be productive. I’m surprised said neighbor did not come barging in at 6:30am and pick a fight with me. I guess I showed him who’s the boss here, huh? LOL!

Yeah, he’s been pretty quiet since I yelled at him through the wall, saw him fighting (???) with some guy outside 7/11, wrote him an apology note, then brought that rando home from Peel Street last week. That would be “Custom-Made Shirt Guy,” btw.

Still wearing his sweatpants, btw. It’s called a Power Move. This is how you assert your dominance, fam. I’m not putting up with any more bullshit from this overgrown manbaby and his bad bleach job. Over it.

Anyway… how did the rest of my day go on Lamma? Honestly, it was stressful AF. I went to the beach, but I just couldn’t relax no matter what I tried. I did yoga, I meditated, I went for a night swim, nothing worked. I made a little video describing how I don’t know how to have fun.

By the end of the day, I was drained and exhausted. It was the complete opposite of what I had hoped to achieve. I just came home, showered, made myself look all pretty, and went up to the Secret Society for exactly one hour before they closed. Everyone was there, but I had no desire/ability to socialize at all. They kept inviting me to join the group, but I just couldn’t do it. I had no energy left whatsoever.

My Irish friend came over to me to check in. He said he could tell something was wrong. I mean, he knows what’s wrong. Everyone knows what my situation is right now. I just said, “I know, I know, I know, I shouldn’t be sitting here alone wallowing in it and feeling sorry for myself. But right now… it’s the only thing I can do.” I just need to sit here and feel my feelings.”

He nodded understandingly and said, “I’ve been there too. Don’t worry, you’ll feel better in the morning. You can do this. We all know you can do this.”

Right. Got it.

Spent all day yesterday at home in bed reading, napping, watching movies, and drinking tea. Now that’s my idea of a good time! Call me boring if you want, but I felt so much better than I had at any point on Friday when I was out and about on Lamma. It is what it is.

I did go out on Wednesday and Thursday nights to visit my friends in various other places. On Wednesday I chatted with this Aussie sailor I met last Saturday night when tells the most insane stories I’ve ever heard. Gotta love Ye Olde Sailor’s Tales.

On Thursday, I met an American at the Cantina and two French guys at the Corner Bar. I meet some really chill French people here. It’s easy to switch between French and English when chatting with them. They are not as uptight as French people in France, lol.

At first, I wasn’t really engaging with them. I was just sitting there alone with my notebook, observing the foot traffic at this particularly notable intersection. I was half-listening to their conversation in French. Apparently they noticed I was eavesdropping on them, because they approached me and asked me if that’s what I was doing. Oui oui, bien sûr! Caught in the act!

What can I say? Eavesdropping and people-watching are two of my favourite hobbies. It is what it is.

Good chat, good craic. I am making some very good connections lately. What can I say? I’m learning from the best. That’s why I joined the Secret Society in spite of its inherent weirdness. One of my new (young) friends up there and I like to joke about how we joined a cult. Is it? I don’t know! It might be, lol! I guess we’ll find out, haha.

The weirdness is definitely still there. Another one of these guys has started making weird sexual comments towards me and I’m just like… no. I’m not here for this. I appreciate the stories you tell and the very helpful financial advice you’ve given me recently, but it stops there. This does not go any further than that, okay? Okay.P

lease do not make me tell you to fuck off because I respect you more than that. Please have some respect for me in return. Thank you!

Furthermore, you are not free to put your hands on me just because of what I’m wearing. I’m not wearing backless halter tops because I want to look sexy and alluring. I’m a Scorpio. I’m going to give that vibe no matter what I wear.

I’m wearing tops like this because the water here is so terrible that the skin on my back has broken out and gets irritated when I wear certain tops in extremely hot weather. You can literally see it all over my back, or at least you would if you were looking at me like an equal human being instead of a sexual object.

This is the direct result of the combination of hard water and synthetic, plastic-based fabrics. Turns out that’s actually really bad for your skin! Science, bro. Do you speak it? Didn’t think so.

Men! So annoying. Ugh!

Can’t wait for the day when I can afford my own custom-made clothes. Natural, breathable fabrics, here I come! Adding my very own on-call bespoke tailor to my vision board now. Ready to manifest this item ASAP.

It won’t change the fact that men feel free to do whatever they want, but at least I’ll look good. Priorities. I know this because I fished a really cute, modest dress with all the right coverage out of a bin at a discount shop around the corner the other day and immediately picked up a guy the first time I wore it out. It is what it is!

/End Rant

That was draining just to write about. Ugh. Boundaries, Betsey. Next time just be clear about your boundaries without getting angry or upset. No touching unless given expressed permission. It’s not that hard! I know, it’s hard for them because they’re men, but I have to be the one to say, “Don’t do that. I don’t like it. I don’t care what your intention is. I did not give you permission. Please respect my boundaries.”

I’ll just keep saying it over and over until they get it. Will they ever get it? Probably not. But I’ll just wait them out until it clicks for them that when it comes to me personally, that shit does not fly.

My only other complaint is that they have all stopped calling me Liz and now only refer to me as Betsey. This annoys me greatly. I have specifically stated multiple times that I do not want to use my professional name when I’m there. But now, they are all insisting on calling me my professional name because they think I’m trying to hide my real identity. I guess they think I need to be puffed up professionally and that’s why they’re insisting on using my Nom de Plume instead? I don’t know. Either way, it’s actually really annoying. They are both derivatives of the same name, which is my Legal Name On Paper. Why does it matter so much?

It’s just another thing…

In the end, there’s only so much in this world I can control. As they say, pick your battles. Right now, I’m choosing the “Don’t touch me without my permission” battle. That is a real issue for me as someone who was assaulted multiple times in the past. I will die on this hill. I have zero problem with that. It’s not about me. It’s about a larger problem in society that needs to be addressed.

The last time I told someone not to touch me, one of the bartenders felt the need to intervene and show that she’s perfectly okay with being touched however any man wants to touch her. I just said, “Okay, but that’s her choice and her preference. She and I are not the same. It’s my choice and my preference not to be touched like that. So don’t touch me like that!”

They’re still trying to win this argument. They’re not going to with me. I’m just going to continue asserting my boundaries until they understand the word “No.”

Ugh, I’m just over it.

Uh oh, I think my neighbor just got home. It’s about 9am, lol. Wonder where he’s been all night? Don’t really care, to be honest! Just don’t take out whatever anger and frustration you may have collected over the course of the evening on me. Please and thank you!

Off now. I need to continue strategizing for the week. I have things to do. Things that don’t include giving the loser next door any more of my time or attention.

Onto the job hunt…