Wednesday. Another rainy day today. I am still at home instead of the coffee shop. I’m cozied up in bed with my blanket and a cup of instant coffee. I tried a new brand and I am obsessed with it.

I am not feeling the best today. I had a dream about my dad. It’s really hard on me. I can’t see past my anger at him. That is preventing me from grieving the loss properly. I can’t grieve someone I am so angry at. I just can’t forgive him.

I know that as an Expat, I must move past the ways of my old life and embrace the journey ahead. However, I am still caught up in some of it. It’s mostly just the family stuff at this point. I’m having such a difficult time with accepting the situation for what it is. I need to get out of my own head. That’s why being unemployed is hard on me. I get trapped in these negative memory cycles and can’t get out of them.

Sometimes I have to pull myself back and say, “Forget what happened in the past. You are in Asia NOW. You should be making the most of this opportunity NOW.”

Yes, well, I was, and then I fell down, and now I’m having some trouble getting back up again. It is what it is.

Yesterday was fun. I was happy sitting and watching people on the street. I feel very lucky to live here in Hong Kong, even if it’s not forever. It’s a vibe.

Today I’m happy because I get to cozy up in bed in the rain. Different vibe, but still a good one.

It’s really coming down outside. I have no reason to leave my house now, lol. I’m officially staying in bed today doing nothing, lol. And by doing nothing, I mean sending out more job applications, watching Sex in the City for the 80 millionth time, and taking a nap.