Tuesday. New Day.

Still not feeling 100%, but I am feeling better after having dinner with my friend last night. We went to a restaurant in Kowloon on the top floor of a skyscraper with the most incredible views of the city. Kowloon on one side, the harbor and Hong Kong Island on the other. The food wasn’t great! We were definitely paying for the views. Either way, it was one of those moments that reminded me how lucky I am to be living in Hong Kong.

I was happy to see my friend after the unfortunate incident in the Mid-Levels last week. We had a chat about it. I apologized for putting her in unsafe situation. She expressed concern about my habit of going to random bars looking for stories. I cannot help but agree with her. It is becoming a problem at this point. We agreed I would not to return to The Wolf or The Sketchy Place in the Mid-Levels.

The conversation turned from this unfortunate event to The Russian. I was happy to finally dish out the story to a trusted girlfriend. It felt like I wasn’t carrying such a heavy weight anymore. I could just laugh about it and move on. He certainly did.

Onto the next one, onto the next one…

Then the conversation shifted towards careers. Obviously, I respect her privacy so I am not going to tell you what she does for a living. I will only say that she is in the market for a new job, so we were discussing the process of job hunting in the modern era. It’s not great! She has a whole professional career with years of experience and even she’s having problems with the crappy job market. Depressing to think about.

Anyway, she had a lot of good advice that I’ve decided to follow. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes is all you need to change your perspective. The main thing is really just to work on my confidence. Also, stop doing the same thing I was doing before because it’s not working. Take a risk and try something new. Good plan.

I should go climb the Peak now to reset and reset. Always remember why you came to Hong Kong, Betsey. You could have stayed in Bangkok and lived life on easy mode forever. But you didn’t. You chose to come to Hong Kong, where everything is difficult, expensive, and competitive, and you chose to climb to the top of the Peak, no matter how much time it takes or how many breaks you have to take. You can do this. You just have to try.

Oh, the things I tell myself to survive in this ridiculous world we live in.

I have no idea how long it’s been since I did yoga. Oh wait, yes I do. I did a very intense routine before my date with the Russian. I definitely had to warm up for that one, if you know what I’m saying.

I am so disconnected from my yoga practice these days. Maybe that is why I feel so scattered. I’m just holding everything inside instead of sweating it out on the mat and then clearing my mind during meditation. It really does make a difference.

Motivating myself to do anything but get out of bed is hard these days. Yet somehow I wake up every morning, shower, get dressed up, and walk down to the coffee shop to write. That’s better than most people with depression. Why do I not just go up onto my rooftop and add the yoga in? Why do I not go to the studio around the corner, or any of the 20+ other studios in Central? Why am I not doing yoga?

I could be healthier. I should be healthier. I can’t keep living my life this way. I need to get my shit together. That’s why I came here. I wanted to get my shit together. Hong Kong standards are high. I must hold myself accountable here. Ok, ok, I know, I know.

I’m just… really struggling to find my way on my own.

I’m not feeling well today. I just want to go home and get back in bed and curl up and just… sleep.