Monday. Is it Monday? I have lost all of April. Where did the time go?
How am I?
Not great. I definitely feel like I got the “Hong Kong Sevens Experience,” and by that I mean literally getting beaten up while playing the game on the field. Unfortunately, I was not injured during play. I was injured because I got too drunk and blacked out.
Based on my injuries, I’m pretty sure I fell down the stairs. And by that I mean the very steep 100+-year old stone stairs around the corner from my apartment that are literally carved into the hillside, leading up to next street.
Yeah. Ouch.
This is my theory. I don’t know for sure what happened. But whatever it was, it was bad. I have scrapes and cuts on my knees and elbows, cuts and scratches on my back, a very sore neck/shoulder combination, and a large bump on my head. Oh, and my favourite flower hair clip from Thailand that I was wearing was found completely smashed up, as if it had broken my fall.
Lovely!
How am I doing now? Well, my head is killing me. I’m very sore. I feel pretty disoriented. I’m not loving life at the moment. Yet somehow, I am awake and clean and dressed and sitting at the coffee shop with a smile on my face, writing to you all.
So this is the part where we say we are not drinking anymore, right? Right.
That.
We’ll see how that goes.
In the meantime, I’ll confine myself to bed with a large ice pack to the head. Lovely wake up call, is it not? Not exactly the junk boat party I was hoping for!
Well, Ireland might be expensive, but the weather also sucks. It rains all the time! At least I will be confined to my house reading and writing and doing research by the fireside wrapped in a cozy blanket and wearing fuzzy slippers instead of running around Hong Kong at night in a state of pure blackout.
Right…
My head definitely went to a strange place last night when I was laying down resting it upon a giant bag of ice. I kept thinking, “What if I die tonight? What if I do this again and I die next time? What if the injuries are worse? What if something truly terrible happens that I have absolutely no memory of? Is this the life you really want to lead? Of course it’s not! You need be serious and get your shit together now!”
In that moment, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I hate it when that happens. So much of it has been so sad. I want something completely new and different now. I want to change. I feel like I still have so much more left to give. I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of my real potential. I’m just floating around out here in SEA in this weird limbo land, stuck somewhere between the past and the future.
I liked it better in Bangkok where the wine selection was terrible and alcohol was hard to get because 7-11 only sells it for like, four hours a day, and it’s always at a different time, and then there’s always a holiday so they’re not selling at all on those days, and yeah, guess what, you’re only option is to go to the American Bar and hang out with all the riff-raff. At least you’ll get a story out of it!
I do love Hong Kong. I really do. I just think I would like it better if I had a professional job or was a professional housewife to some Finance Bro.
I’m feeling very lost right now. Self-esteem in the toilet. The Russian said, “Be more kind to yourself.” So what do I turn around and do? Get drunk and fall down the stairs. Awesome. And we wonder why he ghosted us… lol. Not exactly a glowing candidate for the “40 Under 40 List,” am I?
It’s okay. As previously stated, I’m here. I got out of bed. I showered and dressed up and made myself look all pretty. I walked into the coffee shop with a smile on my face and chatted with the baristas just the same as always. I’m still feeling optimistic about life. I still believe in Love. I still think things will get better for me someday. I still believe I can manifest all of my dreams into coming true.
I think I have to go lie down soon. My head really hurts…