Saturday morning.

Up on the rooftop with my coffee. I did not go out last night. I was just too exhausted after this week. It was a lot. I needed a break. I just watched Gossip Girl and scrolled through reddit. Nothing exciting to report.

The only thing I could decide on for sure was to let the whole issue with my neighbor go. Like, yeah, he’s pretty weird and judgy. Not really someone I can take practical life advice from. Doesn’t listen to me. Spends all his time staring at his phone. It’s very clear he has his own issues that have nothing to do with me. Therefore, I must focus on myself. I have real problems to take care of.

Besides, if he’s anything like most of the men I’ve met in my life, I already know he can’t handle a woman who is equal or better to him in any way. He’s probably one of those types that goes for women in their early 20’s so they don’t realize what a loser he is for someone in his mid-30’s.

It is what it is.

Men are nothing but a distraction anyway. I’m going to turn 38 soon and I’ve never once met one who contributed anything positive to my life. Most of them are more trouble than they’re worth. I have to figure this shit out all on my own because none of them are going to be useful in any way whatsoever.

All of that being said, I’m still planning to go to Lamma Island for a day. I really don’t give a fuck if he’s there or not. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I will encounter far more interesting characters than him.

At the end of the day, I wanted to find something to judge him for. I wanted to judge him the way that he judged me that night on the rooftop when he randomly launched into attack mode and ripped me apart for no reason. I have accomplished that goal. Now we can finally move forward.

I mean, really. Cosplaying as poor when you come from old money and refusing to acknowledge the privilege you’ve had in life is pretty far up there for me. Honestly, I don’t think I can come back from that. I just instantly lost whatever tiny amount of respect I still had for him the moment I learned that.

I can’t stand it when people refuse to acknowledge their privilege. I see it all the time. So many people I knew back in the States are like this. They tell themselves their little fantasy fairytale story that they “made it on their own” and “never had any help from anyone.” It’s pure narcissism. It’s gross.

At least I acknowledge the fact that I’ve had a significant amount of privilege and financial assistance in my life. The least I can do is use it to give something back to the world. I just don’t know how to do that…

End Chapter. New Chapter.

I don’t know when I’ll get around to that trip, truth be told. I need to plan a trip to Macau before I do anything else. Nothing crazy. It’s supposed to rain again so I’ll just do what I did last time and enjoy the epically large bathtub and room service.

I have absolutely zero desire to go anywhere near a casino, especially by myself. I’m just not the gambling type. It’s not fun to me. Then again, I lived in South Dakota, a place where video lottery and sports betting are legal, for 17 years. I’ve seen some pretty dark shit in those gas station casinos. It’s not for me.

What’s on the agenda for today, other than trying to get my shit together? Ummm… that’s pretty much it. Maybe I will go hike The Peak to motivate myself. Always a good idea.

Or maybe I’ll just stay inside and sleep in the A/C all day. I couldn’t sleep for the life of me last night. I just kept tossing and turning all night. My sleep has been pretty bad this week in general.

Right now I’m processing what the bartender told me at the Secret Society the other night. I have to stop running away and hiding from who I am. I am Betsey Horton, Writer Extraordinaire, whether I want to be or not. I can move to a different country, change my name, and try to be someone I’m not, but in the end… it’s always going to find me. It’s my destiny. Therefore, I must embrace it for what it is. I possess the power of the pen. I have a responsibility to wield that power in a way that helps others, not hurts them.

I’ll be marinating on that for awhile. In the meantime, back to the usual. Same routine, different day. Coffee, yoga, meditation, vision boarding, writing, hacking away at this book, TV, takeout, laundry, chores, rinse and repeat.

Life goes on…