Friday night. Out to dinner. Enjoying my series of “Last Meals” before I leave my little podunk town and head off to India. I was writing, but then… ugh.
So, I was totally vibing, right? And then this jerk appeared to ruin it.
Here’s the biggest question everyone is asking me: IS IT SAFE TO TRAVEL TO INDIA ALONE AS A SINGLE WOMAN?! WHAT ABOUT ALL THE RAPISTS?!
Here’s the reality, coming from a person who has spent the last 15 years living in a small town in the middle of nowhere, South Dakota:
CREEPY MEN EXIST EVERYWHERE.
Oh, you don’t feel SAFE traveling to a foreign country because random men might creep on you? Well, guess what, I live in a small town in the middle of fucking SOUTH DAKOTA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, and I encounter creeps every single day. Every day!
The following is a list of all the times I have felt unsafe around men in my small Midwestern town where everyone says “they’re so nice they treat strangers like family and will pull over to the side of the road to help someone out with a flat tire.” This has NEVER, EVER been my experience the entire time I’ve lived here. If I have a flat tire? Guess what! I’m calling AAA and it’s still going to take them an hour to get to me. In the meantime, no one has ever stopped within that hour to help me out. Ever. So, not sure where that narrative is coming from, but it clearly does not apply to anyone they perceive to be an “Elitist Big City East Coast Liberal.”
My best example? Just now, after I have reported this creeping fucking creep for being creepy multiple fucking times and no one has done ANYTHING. I have lived here for 15 years. This guy showed up two years ago, assaulted me at Cleo’s within the first 10 minutes of meeting me, told me I “deserve it and was asking for it” because of the dress I was wearing (like what we are wearing actually matters), and then I was asked to leave because all the other men felt uncomfortable. Because the comfort of men is what is important, right?
Since then, every single woman I’ve spoken to who has any interaction with him has reported him as creepy. To this day, he still goes out of his way to harass me in public, when I am at a completely different establishment, even though I have made it abundantly clear I want nothing to do with him. This is why I hate this town. I’ve been here 15 years, this guy just showed up yesterday, and yet somehow they’re taking his word over mine. Ridiculous. Disgusting.
SOOOOO, REALLY, is it really any more dangerous to travel to India alone than it is to stay here? NOT CONVINCED!
GUESS WHAT, WORLD! CREEPY MEN EXIST EVERYWHERE!!!! They do not care about boundaries or respect or whatever. You will find them in the middle of podunk nowhereseville USA, you will find them in New York City, you will find them in India, you will find them EVERYWHERE! Why? Because THE PATRIARCHY is a universal thing. Men really believe they are superior to women. Why? I have no idea. In my experience, they are inferior in every single way, especially in the bedroom. I guess that’s why I’m not worried about creepers abroad. I supposedly live in a “safe place,” yet sexual predators are allowed to roam free without any consequences whatsoever.
People are like, “OMG you’re going to THAT country? BUT WHAT ABOUT WOMEN’S RIGHTS!” Bitch motherfucking PLEASE! I live in South Dakota. The only difference between us and the Middle East is that Christians run the law. No abortion, no safety, no nothing. I cannot think of a single time when I’ve been in an uncomfortable situation with men where the locals defended me. Would the Middle East and India *really* be any different? Not convinced! Guess I’ll just have to go over there and find out for myself.
Team No One. At age 35, I finally understand what it means to an impartial reporter with no bias whatsoever. Team No One. Literally, just, Team Fucking No One.
Okay, so I didn’t provide a comprehensive list of all of my bad experiences with men in this small town. Obviously, that would take way too much time. Right now, I’m angry that this asshole is allowed to walk through this world and harass women like me with zero consequences whatsoever. I’m also especially pissed off that I intentionally avoid the places where this guy has harassed me (Cleo’s and Fancy Place), yet he still feels entitled to walk by while I’m sitting outside and make a big scene about talking to me directly when he knows it makes me uncomfortable. Why isn’t anyone else around here doing anything about this? It’s ridiculous. Disgusting. I’ve lost so much respect for several local business owners. Not that I had that much to begin with anyway…
So here’s my ultimate point I want to make in this post: If I’m not safe as a woman alone in the small Midwestern town in the middle of nowhere where I’ve lived in for 15 years, a place where everyone knows me, then why the fuck would I think anything would be different on the other side of the world? Guess what! It’s not!
NEWSFLASH: 90% of men are GARBAGE. That’s why we all picked the Bear. The internet asked and women answered: We prefer the Bear. Why? Because if we scream in the Bear’s face, the Bear will run away and leave us alone. Humans, especially men, have zero concept of that. I have chased this particular man off many times, yet he still comes around and harasses me specifically because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. That’s what creeps like him get off on. They don’t care about consent because they are predators. Predators seek prey. Sure, I am strong enough to fight back, but what about everyone else who isn’t? Do they not deserve a voice as well? Isn’t my purpose as a writer to speak for those who prefer to remain anonymous? Is it not my purpose to be the target and take the hit so others do not have to suffer as I have?
Anyway, yeah. Just here to remind all women everywhere that creepy men exist everywhere. There is nowhere in this world you will ever be truly safe from men. They are our natural apex predator. I would rather hang out with a shark, a lion, a tiger, a bear, anything, than be in the presence of some random man.
So, that being said, let go of your fear and book that fucking plane/train/bus/boat ticket TODAY! Learn self-defense, learn to fight off the Bear, and live your fucking lives. Just live your fucking lives. Nowhere is safe from The Patriarchy. That’s why you should just let it go and LIVE YOUR DREAMS!
Honestly, at this point, it feels like India is safer. I mean, at least I know whatever happens to me, I can always go cry to the US Embassy and they’ll send a bunch of hot young muscular military men to rescue me, Hollywood style. In my dream, it’s Liam Neeson (yes I know he’s Irish, but so am I) and that’s why I trust Schindler/Qui-Gon/Taken Guy to rescue me. Also, he’s made a lot of small films recently where he’s taking roles that require men to express emotions such as grief about their dead wives so other men can understand that it’s okay to have emotions. This is a movie I just watched on Netflix called “Made in Italy.” Also, his subplot in Love Actually. I digress. Just saying, I’m here for men learning it’s okay to cry and feel things and be human! It’s VERY obvious that the result of denying these things ends with sexual assault, rape, violence against women, and pedophilia. So maybe just stop denying men the right to real emotions and they won’t be such fucking creeps anymore? IDK.
Anyway, just saying, I know how to deal with roving gangs of creepy men. What I’m more afraid of is a random stray dog biting me and having to seek out a rabies shot. OMG, can you even imagine?! Ugh. But also, I’m ready. Yes, I have encountered roving packs of wild dogs on the Rez before, so this will not be a new scene to me. I just have to overcome the urge to make new animal frens and meet them where they are, which is significantly closer to wolves on the evolutionary spectrum than they are to my domesticated Labrador Retrievers who just want treats and snugs.
Anyway, let me know in the comments who your Top Choice for Best Bear to Encounter Alone in the woods is. Personally, my top pick is Winnie the Pooh, specifically because I’m very partial to my dear old childhood friends in the Hundred-Acre Woods. Second place goes to Baloo from The Jungle Book (Disney version) because his song about The Bear Necessities is still a classic banger. Third goes to Paddington Bear because he is clearly the most fashionable. Honorable mention goes to the Charmin Bear family, but only because it’s obvious they’re the fictional version of the very real local “Doomsday Prepper” family that you have to pay for an extra stash of TP during a worldwide pandemic. That shit is a little *too* real.
In conclusion, no matter where you go in the world or what you do, choosing the Bear over the Man will always be safer. Creeps exist everywhere. Might as well live your life!
Well, what are you waiting for? GO OUT AND LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIVES!