BLOG: I’ve Gotta Crow!

Friday. Holiday that has no effect on my life whatsoever because I left that crazy religion behind two and a half decades ago. What can I say? I was pretty smart for a 10-year-old. I wasn’t about to let some crazy man tell me that dinosaurs and humans lived together. That’s just plain ridiculous. Great idea for a cult, though. I bet there are plenty of people out there making money off that racket…

I’m just kidding, you guys. I went to a Unitarian Universalist Church when I was kid. It was totally cool. Love everyone and enjoy the free cookies and coffee afterward. I just liked being in the plays, going on the field trips, and wandering around the used book sale. I usually tuned out most of the Jesus stuff. I decided pretty early on that guy wasn’t for me. Now, as an adult who has studied the history of the various Christian Churches as political entities, it’s clear I was onto something as a child. I just can’t get behind organized religion in general. I’m just one of those annoying people everyone hates who studies different spiritual traditions and takes whatever works for me. What can I say? I’ve been studying a lot about cults. It’s not for me. I’m not a “group person.” Sorry if you’re offended by that, but it’s my life, my body, my spirit, my soul, and I’m gonna do what works for me in this life. There’s a pretty good chance I’ll be reincarnated into the next one unless I sort out my karma in this life. That’s probably why this life has been so challenging for me. I must work to sort my karmic energy from my past life out.

Anyway, sorry, I usually try not to talk too much about religion and spiritual stuff. Something about Easter usually sets it off. It’s just such an absurd holiday in every single way. I mean, it’s not. Every tradition has a “Spring Festival.” It’s just very obvious when you look at Christian Easter how they took over lots of different people’s spring festivals and forced Jesus into the picture. It’s weird. I just can’t do it. Never have, never will. You’re telling me this man “died” in a horrific, gruesome way after being tortured, went into a cave for however long, and then just magically rose back from the dead? And there was a woman in there the entire time taking care of him who gets no credit whatsoever even though she is probably the one who patched him up and saved his life? Yeah, sounds about right for that religion. Credit the men with “magical miracles” while the women who are actually doing all the hard work in the background to make the “magic” happen received ZERO credit whatsoever? It’s because women are less than men, donchaknow? That’s why we were made from a man’s rib, which makes ZERO GODDAMN SENSE WHATSOEVER. No. Just no.

Okay, okay, okay, I’m done. I’m just amped up about Feminism today because I watched the Many Lives of Martha Stewart last night and I’m so angry about her prison era. Like, yeah, why is SHE going to jail while all these men who are doing even worse things are getting away scot-free? Ugh, the worst part was seeing fucking Bill Cosby show up to her trial and sit in the front row with a smirk on his face. Like, “Hey everybody, I’ve been getting away with raping nine or ten women a week for DECADES and this rich white lady is going to jail for nothing. HA HA HA!” So much injustice in this world. I felt sick when I saw that. Just gross.

Speaking of badass bitches, I finished Griselda yesterday. OMG. All I can say is… wow. That Birthday Party scene in Episode 5 was absolutely insane. The writing, the acting, everything. Just when you think it can’t get any crazier or more chaotic, BAM! It gets worse. I love how they build it up. Great writing. Great acting. I do recommend it. Now I’m researching the real Griselda Blanco, who I have already uncovered a variety of photographs of taken with famous rappers. Her Wiki article lists all the rappers and songs that reference her. I felt stupid for a minute because I was like, “OH! YEAH! I knew who this lady was! Nicki Minaj raps about her all the time.” So it was in my brain somewhere but I just hadn’t sat down and researched her.

Also, I don’t do cocaine, obviously. I tried it once but it was soooooooo NOT for me! If you know me IRL, you know how chatty and annoying and loud I can get when I’m normal. And you also probably know it gets amped quite a bit when I’m drinking. Imagine that x10,000. Yeah, no one wants to be in the same room with that. Plus, it made me feel cranky and irritable and generally quite unpleasant. Not for me. 0/10, would not do it again. That being said, I am FASCINATED by Griselda Blanco and I want to know more about her life.

I think I am just fascinated by women in power in general. I need new role models. I’m taking everyone into consideration. Good, Bad, Ugly, don’t care. Humans are complex and multi-faceted. No one is perfect. Women are always expected to be perfect in every way, but no one ever expects men to be perfect. Men are literally allowed to assault and rape people (AND CHILDREN) every day in plain sight and get away with it while women are attacked and punished for every little thing they say or do.

The truth is, I have very little respect for men at this juncture in both my life and the history of time in general. I was exposed to way too much toxic male influence in both my life and the media as a teenager and young adult. It was extremely detrimental to my both my growth and development as a human being, as well as having a significantly negative effect on my mental health. Now I am working to balance it out by consuming as much female-driven media as possible. I want to learn about powerful, interesting women, not listen to another dumb fucking bro lecture me about whatever. I only want female influence in my life at this point. I don’t care if people think it’s MISANDRY! Get me to a fucking nunnery, stat. I’m ready to lock myself safely in the library where men can’t reach me with their slimy tentacles anymore.

Hmm, well, I guess if I want to go to a nunnery, I should probably delete everything I said about Easter, huh? Well, IDK. I have a feeling that once the men are out of the picture, the scripture gets interpreted in a bit of a different way, sooo…. who really knows?

So, what’s funny about this post is that I was actually going to write about how I finally achieved my first variation of Crow pose last night in my hot yoga class. If you are not familiar with yoga, Crow is one of those crazy circus animal poses where you’re perching your legs on your elbows and holding yourself up with two hands. Right now I can do the variation where my head is on the ground and I’m balancing my legs on top of my arms. I got into it twice last night from the side and held it, first for ~5 seconds, then ~10. I can’t get into it from the front or hold my head up yet, so that’s something I have to work towards. I’m just thrilled that I left the Yoga Festival last Saturday thinking, “I’m gonna fly like a fucking crow,” and four classes later I finally got into it! Not even a whole week has passed and I have made significant, measurable progress on a personal goal. Love that sense of achievement! What will the results be next week? WHO KNOWS?! More circus animal poses! YAY!

BTW, not to brag, BUT… Ya’ll should see my Bird of Paradise. I get really showy-offy with that one. Is it a bird? Is it a flower? Is it a beautiful wood nymph disguised as a tree to escape a horny old goat man hellbent on raping her? Who knows? All we know is that it looks beautiful just the way it is.

Okay, this post has been sufficiently bizarre and chock full of feminine energy. If only I knew how to properly organize my own thoughts. Alas. At least I’m dumping something out of my brain, even if it’s barely coherent. Time to go work on writing real things and applying for jobs.

Also, thank you to the person who left a comment with open job listings. I appreciate the fact that you provided a real course of action to take instead of lecturing at me about choices or work ethic or whatever. I am not approving your comment publicly for privacy reasons, but I did see it and I am grateful for it. Thank you. I hope you have the most amazing weekend doing whatever it is you do.

Everyone else can fuck off, lol. Go eat a bunch of ribs taken from a man and see if they turn you into a woman. Wait, that doesn’t even make any sense. Everyone knows babies come from a turkey baster full of donated sperm in a lab somewhere. DUH!

(: (: (:

Okay, bye for real.

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