Friday.

Just boarded the ferry back to Hong Kong from Macau. My trip to Macau was quite lovely. I stayed at an adorable little Portuguese-style inn by the seaside with a balcony and a gigantic bathtub. I brought the leftover bath bombs from my last trip to Macau just for that. I definitely needed the relaxation time, especially after I locked myself in my shoebox for 48 hours on Sunday and Monday to watch a bunch of 9/11 documentaries. What can I say? Exposure therapy is helpful for trauma.

I tried a few new Macanese dishes I’ve never tried before, including octopus (which I will not be eating again for various reasons). I went to the beach for a bit yesterday and got some sunshine. Then I went to a seaside cafe in the afternoon and drank a “small jar” of Sangria, which is probably the reason why I could not finish my octopus dinner last night. I felt weirdly guilty about eating it, so I started composing a story about what the octopus would say to me if it was sitting in front of me.

I posted about it on Threads, which immediately invited in all the loneliest men on the planet to harass me. So crazy. Imagine waking up one morning and saying to yourself, “You know what I’m going to do today? Harass random women on the internet who believe animals have a soul and are capable of intelligent thought.” It’s 100% giving small dick energy. Stay lonely, bro!

Now I’m on my way back to HK. Ready to take on my manuscript and job hunt with extra vigor. Less male distractions, more work work work. More networking. More taking myself seriously and not looking for validation from others. And definitely not thinking about my neighbor. Forget him! There are plenty of other fish in the sea! I can’t worry about that anymore. I have to get my shit the fuck together!

I really do love Macau. I wish I could have stayed longer, but duty calls. I have a book to write, a career to build, and a work visa to acquire. I can’t just check out from reality for an extended period of time like I did when I was living in Thailand. Shit’s getting real now. It’s hustle or go back home to the US, and as we all know, I do not have a home back in the US anymore. HK is my home now. If I want it to stay that way, I have to get the paperwork sorted out. It is what it is.

I was quite happy to receive several messages from my HK friends at the Secret Society while I was gone. It’s nice to be wanted, I guess. I made plans to meet up with a new friend there next week. Otherwise I will just go over there tonight to see who is around. As I’ve said before, it was weird for me at first to be in that room, but now it’s okay. Maybe I just felt weird because I was insecure about my identity and purpose. What I’ve learned is that it’s okay to be myself. There’s nothing wrong with me. I just wasn’t in the right rooms before. It’s all about finding your people, right? Exactly.

I know the first order of business when I get back is to make a hair appointment. It’s time. I believe hair carries memories and right now my hair is the longest it’s ever been in my entire life. It just feels heavy; like all the memories are weighing me down. I’m ready to give it the big chop and start over again. It’s something I must do to move forward on my spiritual journey.

Yes, I am a spiritual person. I believe all life on this earth has a soul. I believe in ghosts and spirits. I believe in the power of manifestation. I believe in a lot of stuff. If random men on the internet want to shame me for it, they can stay lonely. My spirituality has given me so much peace in this life. I used to believe in nothing and that got me nowhere. Now, I am quite happy to have my faith. It’s gotten me through some of the darkest times of my life. It’s getting me through life right now. I am proud to believe in something greater than myself.

Okay, I’m off now. We’ve hit some rough waters and if I keep staring at a screen I’m going to get seasick. As I’ve repeatedly stated, I am not a fan of boats! I can’t even imagine spending seven hours drinking on one. Too much, too much…

bn