Monday. Still dealing with the same cold I’ve had all weekend. It’s annoying, but at least it’s not Covid. I have had Coivd and this is not Covid, lol. Anyone who compares the two is not to be trusted, in my opinion. Technically, anyone who denies the science behind Covid, or science in general is not to be trusted, but you know what I mean.
When I was growing up in NOVA, I never met any of the crazy conservative conspiracy theorist types. That kind of stuff was considered joke material for satirical stage plays like Hexagon. Out here in South Dakota, they’re EVERYWHERE. They are the norm. Sometimes I’m talking to people who appear to be normal on the surface, then suddenly they’ll calmly state something absolutely insane as if it were a fact. It happens all the time. All the time. At first, I thought it was fascinating in the same way I find subjects like cults or cartels or the Kardashians fascinating. Listening to them talk was like doing research on something I’d only heard about but never actually seen with my own eyes. Now, since the pandemic, it’s not quite so fascinating to me as it is terrifying. It’s like… wow, okay, I actually thought you were normal, but you’re actually kinda scary, so I’m gonna go talk to someone else now.
To be fair, I’ve met a lot of people who espouse crazy things since the pandemic started all over the place. When I was staying with my Boomer cousins out East, they would regularly slip blatantly racist comments about black people into our normal dinnertime conversation as if I agreed with them (I don’t), and they vote Democrat and hate Trump. It’s pretty hard to escape any of the crazy now, wherever you go. This country’s going full Rome fast. Never go full Rome. I need to get out of here. I can just feel the inevitable collapse coming…
Needless to say, I feel more and more normal as the days go by. Giving less and less thought to the “crazy” label that Neurotypical people have labeled me with my whole life because they feel inferior when they are standing in the same room as me, The Brain, Fabulous Villainess Extraordinaire. What they mean when they say that is “person I am incapable of understanding beyond a shallow, superficial level.” It’s really become obvious the people who are using this word are misogynist, ignorant, and close-minded, so why care? All that matters to me is my web traffic. As long as people are reading my stories, I don’t give a single fuck about how they feel about me or the stories. It’s not like any of them are actually approaching me with constructive feedback. It’s always the same meltdown over the fact that they feel entitled to shit-talk me however they want, but they absolutely cannot handle it when I throw the same thing back in their face. Well, if you didn’t want me to write about what a piece of shit you are, next time don’t act like a piece of shit. Duh!
So many of them now just blend together as one blob. Like Starbucks. It’s so not worth taking the time to go down the list of ALL the shitty people I worked with (there’s too many, tbh) and target them with an individual post one by one. First of all, I wouldn’t do that. Second, it would just feed their bullshit narrative that they needed to get rid of me because I was the problem, when in fact it was them and their 100% illegal workplace behaviors. I think the point comes across much better when I lump them all into a singular blob under the corporate umbrella, lump that blob in with all the other blobs at locations across the country, and use their common behaviors to prove Starbucks treats their workers like absolute fucking garbage. That’s why we have a Union. See? It’s not personal, it’s business.
Anyway, I’m clearly still trying to work through that shit. I’m trying to look at it from a different perspective. Specifically, the perspective of failed leadership. What is happening at that company is the result of failed leadership across the board. This is not my only experience with failures in leadership, obviously, as I have many years of experience working for the absolute fucking sociopaths who run the service industry. My chart (and all methods of fortune telling I’ve used over the years) says I am destined for leadership, so I need to figure out how this all works. How do I manage the angry mob coming for blood? It seems like it all boils down to this question. How do I control the mob? How do I make sure everyone has what they need to survive? How do I ensure that we don’t go full Reign of Terror while trying to cull the corruption? I don’t have the answers to this. My only experience with leadership is small-time dictators who pit people against each other until one of them bleeds out onto the floor and dies. I don’t know what it means to be on a team and work together towards a common goal for the greater good of us all. I have ZERO fucking experience with that. It’s… annoying.
Is the part in the movie where I read The Art of War and it magically changes my life and I suddenly rise to my fullest potential? I really don’t know what that looks like to be honest. I’ve been held back for so many years. I have no idea how to move forward at all. I’m just… here. Trying to figure it out. No guidance, no role model, no person I can turn to in difficult times for advice, no nothing. Just trying to figure it out as I go. The whole world is against me every single step of the way. How do I get out?
I’m sure I’m overthinking this. All of the most successful people I know are selfish, greedy assholes with no moral compass whatsoever. The US *LOVES* to reward sociopathic traits in the workplace. I’m actually the one who is wrong right now for thinking I can lead a team towards accomplishing a common goal together. The reality is that I should just be hyper-focused on myself and my success at the expense of literally every other person in the room. That’s the behavior that will be rewarded. Just be a sociopathic asshole with no feelings who walks around destroying people and you, too, can become the next billionaire and drain the world of its natural resources. Oh goody, can’t wait. I guess that’s the only direction I can go. Just be a ruthless asshole willing to destroy anyone who gets in my way and I will be become just like all those people who hurt me. Yippee. Can’t wait.
I’m supposed to go workout but this cold is making my body say “Hell no!” Time for more soup, more tea, and a trip to the store to invest in some Vicks because I’ve finally caved into the fact that I need it. Must rest and recover before we start up again…
Back again, later in the afternoon. Feeling slightly better. Well enough to get the laundry going, anyway. I was legitimately shocked when I went to Walmart and saw how much the prices of over-the-counter cold medication have inflated. I mean, I say I was shocked, but in reality… I’m not shocked because that’s the world I live in right now. Sucks. Paid extra for the Vicks brand name, which I don’t normally do. I’m just that desperate for relief right now. None of those syrups or pills have ever done it for me. I’m all about the aromatherapy. That shit works for me. Just bury me in a pile of peppermint and eucalyptus leaves and come back later when I can finally breathe again.
My traffic died down a bit this weekend, which concerned me at first. No worries. It’s right back up again today, meaning that people don’t read this on the weekends. I am the thing they pull up when they are bored at work and need a little tea break. Love that for me. Need to lean into that aspect more.
Also, there does appear to be one story about the Holidate Guy that is currently circulating. It’s the original post I wrote back in January, not the scripted Halftime Show, which I personally think is WAY better! At least the Halftime Show is entertaining. The real story is just sad. Anyway, knowing that it’s circulating is a “Challenge Accepted” moment for me. How long can I avoid my Source? How long can I go without acquiring new information on this case? How long can I avoid the drama and hole up at home? The truth is that… I really don’t want to know any more about what happened with this guy. It is beneath to chase this flea-infested stray dog through the streets. I will not go digging for more info. I do not need more info. I can very well imagine what happened at his job because I saw what he was doing with my own two eyes (three if you count my Third Eye Chakra). I’m just glad someone else finally said, “That’s Enough. It’s over. You’re done.” So maybe I did or didn’t have anything to do with him getting fired, but either way I’m thrilled. So, whatever. He’s a jerk and a creep and I am over the entire thing. The End.
Currently trying to watch Baby Reindeer on Netflix. It’s interesting. I chose it because it’s a hot topic on reddit and I am particularly intrigued by it because it’s based on a true story about trauma AND that person is writing and starring in his own show about his own life story. Goals. So I’m curious how he’s doing what he’s doing with his life story. It’s kind of intense for a bright, sunny, beautiful Monday afternoon though. Much better for a dark and stormy Saturday night when you actually want to feel freaked out and generally unsettled.
That being said, I think I’m gonna save it for later and re-watch WandaVision instead. I love that show but I’ve only watched it once so far. I love it as a Trauma Narrative. It’s the only other Marvel property aside from She-Hulk that has held and maintained my interest for re-watches. Otherwise… Marvel is generally not something I consider to be “for me.” Too much tiny dick energy, in general.
BTW, I did re-watch Girls5Eva again this weekend. No regrets. It’s now officially one of my Top 10 favourite shows! I foresee myself watching it many more times in the coming days. Give us another season! Yaaaasss! Love it! I’m actually listening to the soundtrack on Spotify as I write this right now.
I also watched “High: Confessions of an Ibiza Drug Mule” about the Irish chick that went to prison in Peru for trying to smuggle coke through an airport. Wowza. Talk about a healthy dose of perspective on the world. That first overheard drone shot of Ancon Dos prison in the desert… terrifying. Just fucking terrifying. Oh my god. Every time I watch shit like this, I’m like, “This is why I don’t do drugs. One minute she’s a bartender partying with her friends on an island, the next minute she’s locked up in a Peruvian prison for drug trafficking. That’s a solid no for me.” So because I have avoided this particular lifestyle for so long, I naturally have become curious about what happens to the people who end up in it. Now I know. I don’t always make the best choices in life, but when it comes to drugs, it’s very clear that I made the right choice on that one. So. Bonus points to me for that one!
Well, it’s Passover, so I guess technically I should be watching either Prince of Egypt, Rugrats Passover, or The Ten Commandments. I pick one every year to watch on Passover. I don’t know why. For whatever reason, Passover is just very important to me. For whatever reason, I make room on my calendar every year to sit down and listen to the story of Passover. I just need to hear it. I don’t know why. It resonates with me in a way that literally no other religious scripture does. I just remember hearing it every year at school from the time I was like, 5. Now it’s something I’ve reconnected with as an adult and it’s just what I need to hear on Passover. I guess something about the plague of locusts and raining frogs does it for me. Really sets the vibe, ya’ll. *shrugs*
Maybe it’s the universe trying to tell me to embrace my destiny as a leader. I can’t imagine. Every time that comes up for me, I’m like, “Who the fuck is going to follow me? How can you lead when no one is following?” Literally, every time I try to take the lead on ANYTHING, I get attacked by an angry, screaming mob that is determined to take me down. So, clearly I need to learn to control the mob. Circling back to my point above. How do I control the mob? I don’t know. Let’s ask Moses. How did you handle it when you got everyone lost in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and they all went buck wild and started worshiping statues of gold cows? Let’s find out!
Hmmm… definitely thinking it’s gotta be The Ten Commandments now…
Okay, off to make another cup of tea and tend to my laundry. Have a fabulous Monday! Happy Passover to All My Relations! <3