BLOG: Day 7/7

We did it. We made it to Sunday and stuck to the planned routine. I will be celebrating with a bubble bath, face mask, and watching the Krewe of Bacchus parade later this afternoon. I have basically spent the whole weekend on a parade binge. Watched on Wenesday, Thursday, and Friday nights, then all day yesterday. Now watching the first three of the day today before Bacchus rolls tonight. Obsessed. Simply obsessed!

How am I doing on my journey to get along with LinkedIn? Okay, I supposed. Made some practice posts using Carnival for content just to see how it works. I was only semi-shocked by the amount of engagement I got. I mean, it’s me, so, of course I’m going to get engagement with any writing I do. I’ve cultivated that on purpose. I was just surprised by fast it happened and how the algorithm works on the site itself. So after I made a couple of those posts and watched what happened live, I realized that, yes, okay, this is not quite so bad as I thought. There’s no one on here attacking me in the comments or sending me hateful messages or trying to call the cops. Had a lot of problems with people (mostly men) doing that in the past. Was very relieved that didn’t happen. It helped me feel more confident. Like, okay, see, you can put out professional marketing content here for practice and nobody is going to destroy your or ruin your life. It’s okay. As you can tell, I have a lot of anxiety about jobs and careers because of my unfortunately experiences in the service industry. Bad leadership, toxic co-workers, gossip, constructive termination, bullying, being targeted for discrimination because of my background and appearance, etc etc etc. I just want to feel safe. I want to feel like the work I do is valued. I don’t want to worry about some asshole actively working to tear me down and destroy my life. I’m just over it. So, yeah, I have to take the time to ease back into this environment.

They say people never forget how you treat them when they’re down, and I will definitely say that is 100% true when it comes to Starbucks. The fact that people treated me so horribly right after my father died was truly sickening. I will never, ever forget that as long as I live, in a bad way. That’s why I am determined to never work in an environment like that again. If I even catch wind of a situation being like that, I am out the door. Nobody else will control my financial destiny but me. I will never let myself be abused like that again. I am worth more. I deserve more. The End.

Spending a lot of time off-screen journaling and meditating over it. People laugh at me all the time in an effort to invalidate me and make me feel like my thoughts, feelings, and experiences don’t matter, but these things do matter. They really do. I’m not “playing the victim” (whatever *THAT* favourite phrase of abusers even means) by speaking about it openly. I had to invest a lot of time into alternative therapies to work through a lot of this stuff. People really need to be more aware of the damage they inflict upon others. This site has always existed as a direct reaction to being treated like that by the people around me. It never changed anything. It just made those people act worse. They never expressed any remorse for their actions. They never apologized. They just dumped more and more of it on me. It’s not right. It’s not fair. But hey. I’m working through it. I’m getting over it. I’ve come out stronger on the other side. Now, I won’t allow talk or behavior like that to negatively affect me again. I’m gonna stand up for myself. I’m gonna take back my power. I’m going to knock down anyone who gets in my way. I’m tired of being walked all over. I’m finished with that part of my life now. From now on, you’re gonna listen to ME. And if you don’t like it, you can just leave.

Yep, like I said, I’m spending a lot of time talking myself up these days. Love to feel awesome and valuable. Haven’t even been to a bar in a week! Don’t need to! Don’t even want to. It’s like, yeah I guess I could over there, but then I’m going to see that one person who is always there complaining about how much they hate their job and I hate listening to it because I would give anything to find and keep a job for awhile, so, yeah. Or, if I don’t see that guy, I get to see the other guy I just made a mistake with and watch as he attempts to flirt with 20-year-olds filming TikToks and Snapchats. There’s no winning here. The only way to win is to stay at home and watch TV. That’s all there is to it.

Feeling pretty positive about the upcoming week. Really enjoying the feeling of accomplishment that comes with setting goals and achieving them. Forgot that for awhile there. So yeah, just stick with the routine, go down the list of tasks that are going to get me where I want to go, and stay positive about the future. Leave all the negativity in the past. As far as I can tell, none of those people are on LinkedIn anyway.

Back to Carnival now! Have a good one!

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