Hello, world. This is me sitting here writing a blog post because I have stacks and stacks of plans in front of me and none of them will turn into words on the page. I guess I have no choice but to let it cook in the pot a little bit longer. I know all of you are waiting in eager anticipation for Paris in South Dakota. It’s so brilliant and professional. I’ve used various methods of market research to properly hone it into what my intended audience wants. I’m taking my time with it. So really, I have no idea wtf is wrong with my brain and why it still won’t come out. Sigh.
How is life otherwise? Well, it’s been a month and I still have my job. Making it past the one month mark is always a good sign. Hopefully things will continue to go well. I like it a lot so far. It’s exactly what I need at this point in my life. It’s good for me to have this kind of structure. I also have a lot of positive social interaction, which is what I desperately need after years of the crazy down-townie life.
Yes, those people are still causing me problems. I have no idea why. I haven’t been writing and I’m no longer unemployed, so I guess they feel the need to continue harassing me because I haven’t moved out of my parents’ house yet? Oh wait, that’s right, they were harassing me when I didn’t live at my parents’ house too! I’m so confused right now. They attack me for literally anything and everything I do! It’s so weird. It’s like… it’s not about me at all. It’s about their behavior and how it’s a reflection of them. Crazy!
Yeah, so, whatever. They’re still on their war campaign to attack anyone they see talking to me and let them know that I’m crazy and dangerous and I’m a loser who lives at home with my parents and I’m not a ~*~ReAL~*~ writer, or something. I have no idea what they’re on about anymore. It’s them. It’s literally them. All the problems come from them. I write in reaction to them. So, I don’t really care anymore. It’s weird that they are this obsessed with me. I don’t get it. What is the goal here? Seriously? I don’t understand what you’re trying to do. Is it some weird small town South Dakota thing? Because if so, I don’t get it. I’m never going to get it. I’m just going to respond by putting on a pair of stilettos and a fabulous dress so I can watch everyone’s faces melt off when they see me in public. I think that shit is HILARIOUS! So, mission unaccomplished, I guess.
And here I ask myself why I’m having so much trouble writing, lol. Well, isn’t it obvious? There’s nowhere I can go in this town where I can just exist as myself in public without being harassed. It’s ridiculous and pointless. Still, I persist. I’m not giving up on my creative expression because a bunch of assholes. It is what it is.
Speaking of downtown, how is that? Meh. I’m out even less now. I managed to eliminate Cleo’s from my agenda altogether. I don’t miss it at all. I’ve walked past like five times and thought about going in, but then it’s like… I don’t want to deal with it. I just want to sit on a patio. So, The Stick Shack it is. Unfortunately, that comes with J&M Drama, Inc. There is always drama there. Always. There has never been a time in the last 13 years I’ve known these people that there hasn’t been some kind of drama involved. They especially have a terrible reputation at my workplace for treating their employees like shit. I would like to add that they also treat their customers like shit, especially me. I put up with it because I like the patio. Otherwise, it’s annoying AF. Like, wtf is wrong with you? I come here all the time. You treat me like crap! Literally anyone seen talking to me gets jumped all over by a screaming mob. It’s fucking insane. I don’t get it. Unfortunately, it’s a small town and there’s literally nowhere else to go. It’s just… ugh. I’m so over it. I miss being in literally any city anywhere where I can just sit somewhere for happy hour, write a few notes, have some wine and tapas, and be left the hell alone. Such a basic concept. Still can’t figure out why people here can’t seem to wrap their heads around it.
Ultimately, the lesson I’ve learned from all of this is that sometimes it’s not actually the individual person who is the problem. Sometimes it’s their environment. I can do all the yoga, read all the self-help books, and get all the therapies, and it’s not going to change other people. It’s not going to make my parents stop being miserable. It’s not going to make the townies stop being cliquey drama queens. It’s not going to make the guys at Bloody Mary’s stop acting like unhinged psychopaths on a warpath. It’s not going to change this town. However, it has changed me.
It’s taught me that I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore. This doesn’t have to be my everyday life. I don’t have to entertain people like this or listen to what they have to say. I am allowed to cut people out, ignore bad advice, take the action that is best for me, and set boundaries with others. I don’t have to date men who treat me like shit. I don’t have to accept that “all men are just like that.” I don’t have to accept shitty, flaky, two-faced frenemies in place of actual relationships. I don’t have to accept being scapegoated by my family. I am free to be myself, and the person I’m becoming is actually pretty cool. I’m proud of her. She’s resilient AF. And she’s not going to have her promising writing career smashed to bits by a bunch of nobodies from some one-horse town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.
For now, I must be patient and continue working hard. I spend a lot of time picturing myself alone in a fabulous apartment with an even more fabulous view from a fabulous balcony and fabulous hardwood floors for me to dance across without being screamed at by my crazy mother. I envision freedom and happiness. I envision myself far away from this negative environment, surrounded by fabulous friends from all over the world at a fabulous dinner party that I’m hosting to celebrate their awesomeness.
Well, that’s about all I’ve got up my sleeve for today. I’m going to go get ready for work now. Stay tuned for Paris in South Dakota… still brewing in a giantass cauldron under a moonbeam near you.