After years of failed attempts at online dating and way too many unhealthy relationships with terrible, narcissistic men, I made a decision to give up dating for good. Men just weren’t contributing anything positive to my life. In fact, most of them were either abusing me or just straight-up wasting my time. It just wasn’t worth it to me anymore to seek out companionship.
Luckily, right at that moment, something better came along: male strippers. The popularity of the Magic Mike film series suddenly made male strippers visible to me in ways they had never been before. Suddenly, it seemed like they were everywhere in our culture! A troupe of them was even invited to perform in the small town in the middle of nowhere where I was living.
The venue was small enough for me to attract the attention of the troupe. I sat at a VIP table right by the stage entrance, won the stage game I entered, and was rewarded at the end of the evening with an invitation to dinner with the guys. There I was able to interview them about their experiences and lives as “male entertainers.” The conversations were very enlightening. I learned so much that night.
Ever since, I’ve become a loyal and faithful ally of male entertainers everywhere. In fact, I actually prefer them to regular men on dating websites.
Here are 10 reasons why:
- They’re fun!
If there’s one thing male entertainers know how to do, it’s have a good time. You know who doesn’t know how to have a good time? Guys who hang out in basements playing video games. BORING! So boring. Male entertainers bring the party. You’re guaranteed to get your money’s worth when you buy that VIP ticket.
- They will treat you right.
Yes they will. Unlike weird, gross, pornsick men, male entertainers are here to please you. They’re not going to use you for sex and throw you away like you’re nothing. They’re not going to try to bite, slap, choke, or spit on you without your consent. They’re going to take you into their arms, look into your eyes, and make you feel special. Just the way you deserve.
- They’re ridiculously good-looking.
Wow, so good-looking. They work out. They’ve got great arms, great abs, great legs, great butts, great everything. And you get to enjoy it all while watching them dance around in a thong.
- They’ve got serious dance moves.
Dancing is a great way to express yourself, work through negative emotions, and get in shape. Male entertainers know that. And not only can they dance, they can also do some serious acrobatic tricks. Who wants to watch a hot guy do three back flips in a row just because he can? I do.
- They wear a lot of hats (literally).
Don’t you ever get bored seeing the same guy over and over again? I know I do. I appreciate a guy who knows how to change it up. What am I the mood for tonight? A sexy cop? A firefighter? Indiana Jones? The possibilities are endless. Truly.
- They work hard for their money… and they make a lot of it!
Dating broke guys is boring. All they do is complain about taking you out to dinner. Male entertainers don’t do that because they have cash to burn. So much cash. Cash they are going to use to treat a lady right. A dinner out? That’s nothing! No complaints here.
- You can pay them to come and go as you please.
In my experience, having a boyfriend around all the time can be a drag. They’re always complaining about something. What is it going to be today? How is he going to blame me for his problems? How is he going to pick me apart and break me down so I feel like crap? Male entertainers don’t do that stuff. They come and go as I please. I see them when I want and the rest of the time, they leave me the hell alone. It’s great!
- They’re the nicest gentlemen you’ll ever meet.
To be fair, it is their job to be your fantasy. Still, I found this particular troupe to be quite amiable at our post-show dinner party. They were polite, gracious, and held their own during conversation. It was by far the best dinner party I’ve ever attended.
- They know how to express their feelings.
What do male entertainers do on all those long bus rides between shows? Talk about their feelings, of course. You may not know this, but male entertainers face a lot of harassment and abuse. Instead of getting angry and blaming women for all of their problems, they talk it out among each other. What do most boyfriends do? Use you as a free therapist so they don’t actually have to confront any of their issues and therefore change.
- They travel a lot.
Travel is good for the soul. The more you travel, the more your world opens up. Some of these guys have traveled the world. Some all over the continental US. Either way, they’re always on the road. They’re getting out there, meeting new people, and making new friends. What’s your boyfriend doing? That’s right. He’s sitting on his ass playing video games and throwing the controller across the room when he loses. Lame.
There you have it, ladies. Ten reasons to trade in your lameass boyfriend for male entertainers. Take my advice or leave it. I don’t really care. I’ll be out there living my life to the fullest.