Prompt: What is the most important life lesson you’ve ever learned (so far…)?
I would definitely say the most important thing I’ve learned in my life so far is not to chase after men, especially stupid ones. Chasing men is a total and complete waste of time. Writing letters to and stories about some douchebag will not make them like me. It will not make them stop cheating on me. It will not make them do anything except call me crazy. Because, as we all know, the desire to be loved and cared for by another human being is totally unnatural and completely unhinged!
I’ve made this mistake too many times to count. Luckily, I finally stopped making it due to the advent of Tinder. Seriously. I have Tinder to thank for my dating education. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I constantly chased the supposed validation that dating a guy who was actively cheating on me with three other girls could provide. I thought if I won him away from all the other girls, I would be complete. It turns out I was wrong, as that guy should probably never date anybody because he is a sociopath. I chased a couple of guys like this when I was young. Tinder taught me this was a waste of time.
Tinder is basically like walking through a meat market where all the cuts are on display. You have the ability to pick and choose dates anywhere, anytime. In fact, I have used Tinder while traveling to research dating prospects in various cities I’ve thought about relocating to, though I never actually met anyone from the app. What I learned from my research is that there is no reason to get attached to shitty men. A shitty man can be replaced in an instant by someone who spends most of their time walking around shirtless at the gym. And what happens if that guy doesn’t have a personality beyond GTL? He can instantly be replaced with a nerdier type who wants to mansplain Foucault to you over sushi and craft beer!
This is not to say I go around sleeping with random guys on Tinder. I’ve only ever met three guys off the app, and all of those dates happened in December of 2014. Since then I’ve only used it for chatting, and as previously stated, research. The point I’m making is that dating sucks, it’s hard, and you shouldn’t give up on it forever just because the guy you dated when you were 19 was a Sagittarian Slut. You should give up on dating because it’s exhausting and starfishing alone in bed with Netflix and a whole pizza to yourself is better.
Tinder also helped me understand my dating behaviors better. Why was I attracted to sociopaths in the first place when there are so many other, supposedly better guys out there (lol)? I didn’t know, so I did what any intelligent person would do: I went to the library. Armed with a stack of psychology and self-help books, I took it upon myself to identify and change my dating behaviors. No more getting stuck on assholes for years on end! This time I mean it!
Based on the personalities of the last three guys I’ve dated, I am confident in my statement that I have changed my dating behaviors. All three were decent individuals who respected me, liked me for who I was, and didn’t ask me to change for them. Naturally, I dumped all three because I can’t get stuck in this town, but the point is that they were decent. I stopped dating assholes and started dating decent guys instead. My lesson was learned, and that’s why I am still happily single today.